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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
first it's depression that lasts a while i'm happy to descend i don't do much happy to be nothing then it comes like a sickness a bleak inspiration i'm up i'm showered out trying to make friends trying so hard to bind them to me charm them maybe then there is a plateau nothing but smoothness happy simple moments with these people in bondage but one of them (maybe it's me) slips and can't have me on to their own plateau running running faster than i to the nest great prefunctory chore of a relationship with someone an idiot back to depression i like it best the tautology suits me like someone once said poe would revel in it a mark a sign he was truly upset |
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| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Vers Librist Junior Member
since 1999-11-10
Posts 16 |
Loved it--definitely gives the reader a feel of depression, trying to overcome it, and then finally giving in & not just accepting it but reveling in it. It makes me think that sometimes we need pain and suffering to achieve great art (not necessarily), but I think your poem mirrors that thought. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Great beginning but you lost me towards the end: slips and can't have me on to their own plateau running running faster than i to the nest great prefunctory chore of a relationship with someone I lost track of who was doing what. That may have been the intention but I find it a bit disconcerting. What tautology are you talking about? A relationship is defined as always being with an idiot? I'm unclear where that was going (maybe I'm just not bright enough to get it). You have a strong ending but I feel the middle is a bit muddled. I wonder if you might think about trying for a more cyclical structure as well or do you think that would be too obvious? Brad |
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