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Critical Analysis #1
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jamaicabradley
Junior Member
since 1999-11-04
Posts 39


0 posted 1999-11-12 12:35 PM


Blue
fantastic

Rebel
spastic

Sunday walking
toward the same

Bleu fell through
while Rebel lunged

into

dirty waters
lapping up

indignities

sinking into bleu
Bleu

Found on monday
laughing rocks skipping

across waters
late for school

Church walks
Sunday
saw these two

Now this monday
finds these two

Bleu

© Copyright 1999 jamaicabradley - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 1999-11-13 10:33 AM


This is a tricky poem to get through. Is this about two people called Bleu and Rebel and their drowning? If so, I think it does work but I really think some punctuation would be helpful to make the flow move better. There are other possible interpretations but this is the one I'm sticking with until corrected. I like the way you ended it.

Interesting poem,
Brad

jamaicabradley
Junior Member
since 1999-11-04
Posts 39

2 posted 1999-11-14 08:05 PM


Hi Brad,
Thank you for your comment, and yes it is about 2 people drowning, and their name's are Blue and Rebel. Pretty simple poem, and I didn't really attach any deep feeling into to. More an observation. Anyway, thanks again.
-jamaica

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