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jamaicabradley
Junior Member

since 1999-11-04

Posts 39

0 posted 1999-11-04 01:52 AM

I cease to amaze myself
kneeling at your feet
my huddled masses
glorify your thoughts
of our tomorrow
in the skies lie infinite
universes
all the unknown
ever in our time
will we know
some un-attainable orgasm
of the minds
that bind
my hands
to the corners of my own mind

And the well in which I'm lying
is starting to fill
with all the others
who never understood
my fury
as they are bleeding
under my naked skin
able am I to finally climb
to reach the compromises
I had turned from
into innate
desires

Swell
at the base of my spine
and lifting I emerge
the night
streetlights resting
on the cement corners of quiet
then it is there
distance
I had once put between all of this
and myself

Carroded to expose
glass
penetrating the skin
just so
injecting the reality
of feeling
physical pure
and to start walking on
to the scenes
where plague
had been the last take
surely the warmth of cold
comforts
lights are flashing
the clothes falling
in brisque time of drunken
delay.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 1999-11-04 02:30 AM

Thank you for posting at Critical Analysis but please check your e-mail before you post anymore. I've just sent a quick message. If you have any questions, please contact me.

Thanks,
Brad

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

2 posted 1999-11-06 02:50 AM

I think this one works. Jeeni said 'provocative' and I think that's a good work to describe this. There is a chaos that seems somehow unstoppable. Actually, you remind me of a friend of mine who writes in a very different style but a similar theme (you can explain the theme). You still have this hand minds thing going that, at least for me, makes no sense, but you do have a power here.

Two things I didn't like:

"in the skies lie infinite universes" -- sorry just one universe unless you want to go alternate

"surely the warmth of cold comforts" -- surely you can do better than that.

A very intriguing poem,
Brad

jenni
Member

since 1999-09-11

Posts 478
Washington D.C.

3 posted 1999-11-06 03:09 AM

who's jeeni?

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

4 posted 1999-11-06 03:22 AM

It's you when I've been drinking.

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