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I Still
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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I Still |
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misterpoet Junior Member
since 1999-10-26
Posts 18 |
I Still I still Find myself Wondering About you What we had When minutes are free I still Find myself Whistling Our song When radio waves Catch my attention undivided I still Find myself Hearing your voice When someone Speaks your flavored idiosyncrasy I still Find myself Wanting to be Cuddled next to you On slow rainy days I still Find myself Catching a glimpse of you When shapes move In crowded spaces Even after All this time I still Find myself Thinking… Of you. --- 9.30.99 |
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| © Copyright 1999 misterpoet - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I thought this well written and found your repetition to aid in bringing the message across effectively. One suggestion I would make would be to change the first two stanzas so the match the rest of the poem: I still Find myself Wondering about you What we had When minutes are free I still Find myself Whistling our song When radio waves Catch my attention undivided Other than that, I'd leave it stand as it is. I like this one. Oh, love the line " Speaks your flavored idiosyncrasy" ------------------ Alis volat propriis [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 11-02-1999).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I also like the idiosyncrasy line but think that the repetition detracts from this poem. For the most part, I think you're stuck in the 'telling' and not the 'showing' -- yeah, I say this all the time. Of course, if this is intended to go with music, I think it works fine, Brad |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I think this is great and echo Hoots suggestions on the verses. I personally like repetition, but that of course is just my opinion! In other words, I LOVE IT !!  ------------------ Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-07-1999).] |
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