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Someone spotted a fruit...
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Someone spotted a fruit... |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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*This is a translation of a russian poet, V. Vysotsky. Someone spotted a fruit, still unripe Shook the stem and it fell, lacking poise There’s one who did not sing a line And was left unaware of his voice Perhaps, he had conflicts with fate And by chance, his plans went amiss But, the guitar string has already been laid And the flaw was unknowingly missed He started humbly with a “do” But never finished that one note His first accord fell much too flat He made an unexciting vice A dog was barking, and a cat Was chasing mice... It’s funny, don’t you think it’s wry? He left his joke half-way complete He did not fully taste his wine He didn’t even take a sip He was still only plotting his fret He seemed timid and slow to begin And his soul, as if droplets of sweat, Perspired from under his skin Merely starting a duel, so inane He walked slowly onto the floor Only grasping the rules of the game While the ref hadn’t opened the score He yearned to know so much at once And yet, he never quite advanced Still no conclusion could be drawn He never traveled deep enough And her, the one who’s still alone He lacked a chance to wholly love It’s funny, don’t you think it’s droll? He hurried, ran, but all in vain And questions that he hadn’t solved Unsolved remained What I’m telling you now aren’t lies He was pure to the style he held On the snow, he was writing her rhymes And it’s sad that the snow had to melt It was snowing that day, and at least He was free to write on the snow On the run, he caught with his lips Crystal flakes in their brilliant glow To her, in a silver-gilt surrey He never made it all the way He had no time to sprint nor fly He never ran, the runaway His star-sign—Taurus-- from up high Just lapped the ice-cold Milky Way It’s kind of funny, don’t you think? While lacking seconds, time was tight, And from a single missing link There’s a halt, unfinished flight... Seemed funny, didn’t it? Of course To me and you, it surely did A bird in flight, a racing horse... Whose fault is it? Whose fault is it? PS: To the moderators, excuse me for posting this poem here after I posted it in the open forum, but I would really like to get more replies on this one! |
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| © Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
Deep minded poem. Do you know where I can read some more of his poems? Interesting how he switches from third person to second. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Did you translate this? Having been on a few translation projects myself I know how difficult it is and commend the effort. I agree with Merlynh that I'd like to read more of these poems. Because I didn't particularly like this one. The images seem somewhat scattered: fruit, singing, guitar, snow for example. This made it difficult for me to get a handle on it. I loved 'On the snow, he was writing her rhymes/And it's sad that the snow had to melt" and some of the other images in isolation but it doesn't come together very well in the end. It's jarring, to me, to read about the snow melting and then in the next stanza read that it's still snowing. Seems a bit out of joint. I think a lot of the repetition could be done away with: 'It's funny, don't you think it wry?' Why not drop the 'It's funny' part? It's all through the poem but I just feel you don't need it. Admittedly, I believe in looser translations than a lot of other people. I believe a poetic translator should go for the effect that it has in the native language and not worry so much about the word to word thing. I know, I know, people disgree with me (Nabakov comes immediately to mind) but I'm used to that.  Brad I have no idea what |
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