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Critical Analysis #1

an approching storm

**lost**
Junior Member

since 2001-07-16

Posts 32
ma

0 posted 2001-07-30 05:08 PM

black clouds decend,
seem unmoving,
turmoil with, a sky distressed.

shadows over muddy waters,
my reflection unseen,
tainted and rippled.
trees bend in the wind.

branches break, fall and crash,
brining me down.
leaves hover through the air,
in fear of where they may land.

animals scurry
in every direction.
take haven inside,
seeking more darkness;
hiding from an enemy.

glass grows hazy,
a mirror shatters,
no life found,
black tears from the sky,
your shadow on the ground.

confused among strangers,
lost amongst myself.
**lost**

aprikot
New Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 4

1 posted 2001-08-08 09:20 AM

i checked out some of your other poems, i really felt this one was excellent. the imagery is very rich and descriptive and through it i really felt like i was in the poem. i also liked the fact that it primarily is free verse, yet towards the end it ryhmes (found/ground). i think this serves as an excellent exclamation point of sorts for the entire piece. much like a real storm you have that sense of rising tension finally erupting in a thunderclap with the last stanza. perhaps capitalizing on this could make it stronger, the beat could be tidied up so as to strengthen your final rhyme. additionally, the poem uses the subject "my/me" in the begining, yet at the end it uses the subject "your". i would have expected "my" as in "my shadow. nevertheless, a very rich work.

-carlo

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