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karneliann
Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44
Baltimore, MD, USA

0 posted 1999-10-29 01:20 PM


a week in the life of obsesso

sunday
it was a dream to see you again
you looked better than ever
and when your hands cupped my face
I almost kissed you
I thought I would cry from sheer restraint

monday
even the thought of your hand on the wheel
rumbles my untapped desire
my confinement is grim
I insulate with indifferent afghans
and squint at you through the pane

tuesday
there was some time this afternoon
when you slipped my mind
(you sly creature)
for a while your space was occupied
and I could breathe

wednesday
I tread carefully on my routine
avoiding the cracks
so easily filled by you
but perhaps your figment
is better than your skin

thursday
I drifted stacks of books that bore your name
so many ashes sifted to the floor
whose painted concrete
made me want to send you emeralds
a complement to indoor autumn greens

friday
penstrokes like a flickering tongue
belie desire that paper hides
with mail-delivered haute cuisine
I lick and stick and lose you
in my flustered state of mind


saturday
who knew quiet was so frightening
after vanity's jumped ship
and only frost is my companion
it's more fun to sleep forever
when there's no one to protest



------------------
"My empire is of the imagingation." -- She

© Copyright 1999 karneliann - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 1999-10-29 10:03 PM


I have no idea what you mean by 'obssesso' and it reminds me of a magician: "the great obssesso will astonish and amaze you with his magic wonders!"

Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading this poem. The structure reminds me of something I read by Bly (I think it was Bly) and you really have some great moments here.

'I insulate with indifferent afghans' -- I found particularly effective

A couple other good ones:

mail-delivered haute cuisine

whose painted concrete
made me want to send you emeralds
A complelment to indoor autumn greens

All in all, a good job.

Thanks

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
2 posted 1999-10-29 10:28 PM


Oh, I did enjoy this one. Should it be obsession perhaps?? I agree with Brad in that you have some very interesting descriptive lines in this piece. Overall it makes for a good read. It flows nicely and prompts the reader to think a bit.
just me
Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 15
marysville, wa USA
3 posted 1999-10-29 10:42 PM


I liked this poem a lot. It made me really think. Subtle hidden messages so carefully crafted. Keep up the good work.


Oh, and Brad. I didn't check my E-mail last night until after I posted the poems and after I changed my user name. I didn't like using my own name. I wasn't aware of the rules and i'm sorry about that. I will spend the next few days just reading others' poems and commenting. Oh ya, and writing! I was so excited about this site, I just went a little crazy. Sorry about that. Please read my poems and comment so that I can learn. I would apreciate it alot.

Thankyou. Lee Benthin (alias) just me

karneliann
Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44
Baltimore, MD, USA
4 posted 1999-10-30 05:12 PM


i totally appreciate this feedback. obviously i appreciate it especially cuz you say some nice things about my poem. to clarify a bit, the "obsesso" was intentional. it's kind of a joke; it's what one of my friends calls me when i obsess over people. it's supposed to be funny, so you were right on the with magician image, brad.
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