Critical Analysis #1 |
a week in the life of obsesso |
karneliann Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44Baltimore, MD, USA |
a week in the life of obsesso sunday it was a dream to see you again you looked better than ever and when your hands cupped my face I almost kissed you I thought I would cry from sheer restraint monday even the thought of your hand on the wheel rumbles my untapped desire my confinement is grim I insulate with indifferent afghans and squint at you through the pane tuesday there was some time this afternoon when you slipped my mind (you sly creature) for a while your space was occupied and I could breathe wednesday I tread carefully on my routine avoiding the cracks so easily filled by you but perhaps your figment is better than your skin thursday I drifted stacks of books that bore your name so many ashes sifted to the floor whose painted concrete made me want to send you emeralds a complement to indoor autumn greens friday penstrokes like a flickering tongue belie desire that paper hides with mail-delivered haute cuisine I lick and stick and lose you in my flustered state of mind saturday who knew quiet was so frightening after vanity's jumped ship and only frost is my companion it's more fun to sleep forever when there's no one to protest ------------------ "My empire is of the imagingation." -- She |
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© Copyright 1999 karneliann - All Rights Reserved | |||
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I have no idea what you mean by 'obssesso' and it reminds me of a magician: "the great obssesso will astonish and amaze you with his magic wonders!" Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading this poem. The structure reminds me of something I read by Bly (I think it was Bly) and you really have some great moments here. 'I insulate with indifferent afghans' -- I found particularly effective A couple other good ones: mail-delivered haute cuisine whose painted concrete made me want to send you emeralds A complelment to indoor autumn greens All in all, a good job. Thanks |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Oh, I did enjoy this one. Should it be obsession perhaps?? I agree with Brad in that you have some very interesting descriptive lines in this piece. Overall it makes for a good read. It flows nicely and prompts the reader to think a bit. |
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just me Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 15marysville, wa USA |
I liked this poem a lot. It made me really think. Subtle hidden messages so carefully crafted. Keep up the good work. Oh, and Brad. I didn't check my E-mail last night until after I posted the poems and after I changed my user name. I didn't like using my own name. I wasn't aware of the rules and i'm sorry about that. I will spend the next few days just reading others' poems and commenting. Oh ya, and writing! I was so excited about this site, I just went a little crazy. Sorry about that. Please read my poems and comment so that I can learn. I would apreciate it alot. Thankyou. Lee Benthin (alias) just me |
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karneliann Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44Baltimore, MD, USA |
i totally appreciate this feedback. obviously i appreciate it especially cuz you say some nice things about my poem. to clarify a bit, the "obsesso" was intentional. it's kind of a joke; it's what one of my friends calls me when i obsess over people. it's supposed to be funny, so you were right on the with magician image, brad. |
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