What Good's a Rope? - pipTalk Forums

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just me
Junior Member

since 1999-10-29

Posts 15
marysville, wa USA

0 posted 1999-10-29 04:12 AM

After my divorce. That's all that needs to be said.

I thought I could love you
but not lose control.
Just give you my heart,
and not my soul.
Just touch your hand,
Just kiss your face.
Do you understand
I lost the race?

Without you
I feel so alone.
Without love,
What is a home?
Without dreams
there is no hope.
Without strings,
What good's a rope?

I'm lost without you,
my heart's lost control.
All my dreams about you
they've captured my soul.
Captured my heart.
Captured my soul.
Captured my love.
Will you take control?

Without you
I feel so alone.
Without love,
What is a home?
Without dreams
there is no hope.
Without strings
What good's a rope?

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 1999-10-31 07:00 PM

What's funny about this is that I remember a poet buddy of mine thought he was being so original with the string/rope thing (a different context however.) and here I see it again. He teaches poetry by the way. Never trust anyone.

To be honest, this poem tells me what you're feeling, it doesn't show me:

I thought I could love you
but not lose control.
Just give you my heart,
and not my soul.
Just touch your hand,
Just kiss your face.
Do you understand
I lost the race?

--This is a very teasing description. Can you show me the distinction between heart and soul. Are you blaming yourself for the divorce? Drop the rhyme stuff; it give it a perky feel that I don't think you want here.
Interesting idea in that it involves tension but give me a scene where you show me what you mean.

Without you
I feel so alone.
Without love,
What is a home?
Without dreams
there is no hope.
Without strings,
What good's a rope?

Talked about the rope stuff already. I like it (with the obvious connotation of hanging embedded there). How about a scene where you enter an empty home for the first time? Show the loneliness you feel. This is perhaps a personal bias because I've written a similar image but mine was about alcoholism.

I'm lost without you,
my heart's lost control.
All my dreams about you
they've captured my soul.
Captured my heart.
Captured my soul.
Captured my love.
Will you take control?

Are you begging here? Not sure what to do here. Maybe write another poem with this as the theme. Don't think this fits very well with the first two stanzas.

Without you
I feel so alone.
Without love,
What is a home?
Without dreams
there is no hope.
Without strings
What good's a rope?

Same as above. I like the repetition but think you can do more with it.

Start trying to write the picture of what you feel; it might help. Then again, it might not.

What do I know?

Keep on writing,
Brad

redwriter1
Member

since 1999-07-22

Posts 480
Franklin, TN

2 posted 1999-11-05 02:07 AM

I think you have much more to say than this. Honesty is the only thing that truly makes poetry. Why not write about how your life is different now.. better?worse? Write about , would you do things different.? write about.. do you think it was your fault? hers? (be honest)..

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