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Critical Analysis #1
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Lee Benthin
Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 19
Marysville, WA USA

0 posted 1999-10-29 01:49 AM


There's ten thousand kisses
If you read between the lines.
Ten thousand kisses,
You can have one at a time.

I've got ten thousand kisses
Every one of them's for you.
I wish that I could hold you,
'Til there were only two.

Too many memories
They are stuck within my mind.
Too many memories,
Not one dream can I find.
I've got too many memories,
Every one of them of you.
I wish that I could hold you
Until they all came true.

© Copyright 1999 Lee Benthin - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 1999-11-07 06:08 PM


Lee,
I hope everything is going well and I hope you know by now what I'll say here. Show us some of the memories, show us some of the dreams -- make us see your life. You definitely seem a writer who wants to give and I'm certainly willing to take but, for me, I want to see your life in all of that precious, distinctive detail that makes us individual.

I would think about a more original number than ten thousand -- use something that makes the reader think, 'Now, why is that number used'. When you use ten thousand or a million, they are vague numbers that in poetry seem to have the same effect all the time. Push the reader outside their expectations.

Question: If they are memories haven't they already come true? Are you remembering dreams? If you are, how does, "not one dream I can find" fit.
Brad

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