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Critical Analysis #1
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The Flame
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Flame |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash 
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Like an empty hearth, my soul, cold and desolate when you found me, poor and needy, eyes blinded to my own heart's poverty. Your love ignited the kindling: from a spark, a flame; from a flame, a roaring fire. My words are like the ashes rising from that blaze, cast to the heavens, bearing witness to the fire that rages below like circling Seraphs, burning bright for a moment, to disappear from sight, carried off by the four winds. Yes, my words are like the ashes rising from that blaze. No longer needy, no longer poor, no longer dark, no longer desolate, only hungry. The same flames that give light and warmth also consume me. I long for more of your love, fearing the day when these bright flames become dark smoke. Against that day my spirit desperately strives. Who would turn from the fire and return to the empty hearth? I will not. I cannot. Though your flame be distant as the stars above, by it I am warmed. Though the clouds obscure its light, by it I see. May my love also be your warmth, your light. ------------------ Jim |
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| © Copyright 1999 Jim Bouder - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This is an enjoyable read and it has just about everything I can't stand in poetry: souls, love beyond existence, a rise to heaven, no mention of the person your talking about, fires, stars, spirit, hearths -- hyperbole, hyperbole, hyperbole. And yet it kind of works because you actually have movement in the poem. It's not static. I don't suppose on the next one you might tone down the religious and fire stuff and tell us a little more about the person your talking about.  The ending, at first, seemed anti-climactic. However, I suppose you could see it as a kind of coda. I like putting that 'hope' in though and it's probably the only line that differentiates this from a straight religious poem. That and the 'hungry' line. Not so sure about the words being ashes bit. Seems like the event is already over which contradicts the immediacy of the rest of the poem. curious: Did you give it to the person your talking about? Don't suppose you might relay the response. None of my business of course. What can I say? I'm ruining my reputation on this one. I like it. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Jim...I'm glad you considered my suggestions on this one. As I said, I like the way it's worded, just needed that bit of revamping. Nicely done |
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