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to cause no thought
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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to cause no thought |
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starchild Member
since 1999-10-22
Posts 59manchester, england |
the day and hours slow and heavy spawning monsters cat calling the horizon heaving and screaming rushing back to die my freind kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill |
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| © Copyright 1999 starchild - All Rights Reserved | |||
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starchild Member
since 1999-10-22
Posts 59manchester, england |
i am just putting this up because i really want someone to read it and reply |
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starchild Member
since 1999-10-22
Posts 59manchester, england |
read me, read me, please read me, i shall die if you don't and then who will be the fairy prince? [This message has been edited by starchild (edited 10-27-1999).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Ah, stop your whining!!! Geez, you'd think this had been up for six months or something. I appreciate your comments at the Philosophy forum but if you want comments you have to comment here as well. Okay, you commented on mine (didn't think that poem would be your cup of tea)  . Okay, this one: clean up the spelling; it distracts from your stated goals. We all make these mistakes, typos, or whatever. Here, you can just edit it. What's the difference? It makes the piece that much more accessible to the reader. What are you trying to get across here? I have yet to read a poem anywhere with that kind of repetition that makes any reader (think me) feel much of anything. If this were song lyrics it might work. Is that your intention? 'my friend' -- fairly common and overused trick in poetry. Use a name or develop it further. With no punctuation, it's impossible to judge where your beginning an image and ending one. I see two sentences: The day and hours slow and heavy spawning monsters. Cat calling the horizon, heaving and screaming, rushing back to die. So this is a poem about a cat in heat? In other words, this is a poem about time slowly moving as a result of the speaker's screaming cat (in heat). The 'spawning monsters' has the double meaning of the cat and the owner. The cat has sex (heaving and screaming) and then rushes back to her home (speaker's house) only to infuriate the owner so much (because of the screaming) that he/she (probably a he) kills the cat. The kill, kill lines are an attempt to represent the swinging of the blade as the character kills the cat. Of course, your title says 'to cause no thought' but I guess I didn't follow your directions, did I? Having fun. Brad |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
ROFG@cat in heat ......lololol I would have never thought of that......of course the title would have prevented that huh? nice to see some smiles and fun and starchild, I really don't know what to comment, I don't understand this type of imaging, maybe after some input from you I will comment again |
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starchild Member
since 1999-10-22
Posts 59manchester, england |
okay, i know that that one is a little unhelpfl when it comes to giving clues, but it isn't about anything really. this is how i see it. i am cloaked by the night, stood in the throng or a swaying, bending crowd like reeds in the sea. somewhere in front a voice steps out of the dark, drunk and swaggering and with a hoarse cry declaring his message whle we stand and move gently |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
*shakes her head and rubs her eyes* did it just get a little more foggy in here? *sigh* that explanation helped about as much as a pie in the face...sorry |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Starchild, Are you sure you can do this? For some of us, there is nothing else. I can see the heart but I don't see the way. If you wish, we are here for you (do you think we honestly feel differently). We live this. Brad |
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donovan blue Junior Member
since 1999-09-21
Posts 26austin,tx,usa |
Honestly this one didn't do much for me. I like the way you began but the whole "Kill" bit was dissonant (perhaps that was your aim?) Your further explanation seemed more like another idea instead of bringing focus to your thoughts. Unity is an important vehicle for conveying your message. You said it wasn't really about anything...perhaps you should try writing about something... Best of luck. |
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