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Sick
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Sick |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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Hunger hinders healing hours Sick, since Sunday sitting still Feeling funny; funky flowers Spread the sickening smell of swill Coughing crudely, crying coarsely Sending swirling sneezes still Moaning meekly, missing mostly Sultry sunlight’s silent spill ------------------ I fell in love and kept on falling |
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| © Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
"Spread the sickening smell of swill"?? Isn't swill what you feed pigs? You're writing about being sick, I'm not sure where this line fits in other than you needed something to make the rhyme. "Feeling funny; funky flowers" are you trying to express the fact you are so sick you are delusional? I notice one thing about your poetry Master, you use a lot of tongue twister things, words that sound close, that in combination with other words in the line just kind of slide right off your tongue. Given the right combination of words, this can be a very effective tool in poetry. |
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