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Spring sprung (let me know what you think)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Spring sprung (let me know what you think) |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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*this is a totally new style for me, so let me know what you think! Spring sprung so unexpected From melting snow I stood in awe Observed perfection of its flow So flawlessly performed Played by the notes Deformed in form So worthy of great words And yet neglected My soul alone became affected Pecked by the rain In gained commotion And grain by grain I drained emotion From weeping lashes In fitting fashion, Gentle motion, In passing rage And raging passion Unto the page [This message has been edited by Master (edited 10-22-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Master....I'm not sure what happened on this one, you seem to be changing from non rhyming to rhyming with internal rhyme placed in parts. Spring sprung so unexpected From melting snow I stood in awe (very nice lines and I like the meter to that, but then the flow changes drastically in the next few lines) Played by the notes Deformed in form (I'm not sure where this is going...deformed in form?) In passing rage And raging passion Unto the page (okay, if I get this right, you are so overcome by the coming of spring that you pour out your thoughts onto the page....although I like the tickle of "In passing rage and raging passion" on my tongue, I wonder where the rage fits into it?) |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
The whole style of this poem is that the flow develops as you read it, or at least that's what I was going for. Thanks for responding. |
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