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Why?
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Why? |
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cilla New Member
since 1999-10-20
Posts 3logansport, IN. USA |
Why? Some questions never get answered.. You want so much for life. You try, try, try, and for what? Why? You can't force a piece that won't fit, or try and find one that will. This is not a substitute for happiness, understand that,for that is real. You can not work yourself continuosly trying to advance, Only to give it away, knowing there is no real chance. You try, try, try, and for what? Why? You think you are loved and that you really are special. Only to feel used and saddened when you find it is all just superficial. You try, try, try, for what? Why? Patience is a virtue, almost always learned to late. For you keep doing the same things, not learning from your mistakes. You are a good woman, who deserves well. You do not deserve a life of misery, one that is destined to fail. You pick yourself up and go on, for you know you must. For this is only a temporary set back, For your life will continue, and once again you will adjust. Love yourself for you are worthy indeed. Being a good mother and person, will bring you the true happiness that is all you really ever need. For this is why, this is why i continue to try! ------------------ Lori Louthain |
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starboards Member
since 1999-10-14
Posts 467longwood, florida |
We must try because there's always that chance (50/50) that We will suceed...if we didnt try we would be nothing~ good poem though! i give it an "A plus" for "trying" just joking of course! keep writing!   starboards ------------------ "If you love something let it go...if it comes back to you it is yours...if it doesnt then it never was" |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Ok, I'll be truthful here...this one needs A LOT of work..... the entire poem is Justin Consistant- sorry just couldn't resist..- in meter and rhyme. First of all, I really liked the repeating of "You try, try, try, and for what? Why?" at the end of stanzas, but this, like everything else, seems to be thrown in on random whims. This poem doesn't seem to have been done in any particular form, it just occasionally rhymes, and the stanzas have varying numbers of lines with varying line lengths....no set meter at all....If it was meant to be like this, I apologize for dissecting it, BUT it is posted in CA..... If it is meant to be done in a free verse type format, I would eliminate the rhymes, because when I read a rhyming poem, I expect it to have some sort of a rythm...and this poem really lacks that. If you want to keep the rhyme, I would suggest picking a set number of lines per stanza, and a set meter for those lines. I would also suggest (this is just my personal taste coming in here) that you either end all stanzas with "You try, try, try, and for what? Why?" or alternate ending the stanzas with this and another catchy line. One last thing....I did like the subject matter of the poem, but I think it would have much more impact if presented differently. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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