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Critical Analysis #1
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Just a Bit of Insanity
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Just a Bit of Insanity |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
-I realize the form I wrote this in may very well be torn apart and dissected, but I posted it here to see what people think of it.- I want to be followed by the meek I am meek, I chew on the weak I chew on myself Each day of the week I am a conquerer in my own mind in my own mind, I am nothing Just a figment Of imagination I seek Here I am, the freak of nature So very weak Strength grown in my garden withers I am your hero, I fix your leak And then I smash your cirquits Each day of the week This hour I'm a glutton Now I'm anorexic this week This day I seek A reason to be Sometimes I'm here, until I get my meds The pills that make me tired and weak So I'm safe in bed, surrounded by white walls. RESTRAINT Where is freedom, why can't I speak? Why do I suffer, each day of the week? Turtles, love, down in the creek! I need the turtles They lead me to him, Back to my sweet! Let me free! I am no freak! I can be silent! I can be meek! I'll be everything you want me to be! PLEASE! TURTLES! I WANT THE TURTLES DOWN IN THE CREEK! NO! NO SHOTS! PLEASE?! TURTLES ARE GREEN NOT BLACK! GREEN LIKE GRASS UNDER YOUR FEET! Oh no..... Did I speak? Was that my mind I did speak? Sorry, I am now meek. No shots needed.... Ouch. Fuzzy now... I'll sleep away the week As I should. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- [This message has been edited by Systematic Decay (edited 10-20-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Systematic Decay - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I don't know what your worried about. I think the format works very well with the theme. The first part is somewhat childish and nonsensical which is, I admit, a bit put offish but by the end, it makes a lot of sense. It could do with some polishing perhaps because you are dangerously close to complete nonsense but that's the chance you take with this type of poem. I'd change the 'no' to not in "turtles are green, no black". Believe it or not, I like this poem. It worked for me. Brad |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
well its really different, I couldn't write a piece such as this, even as crazy as I get sometimes lol, but I love to read different types of poems, I did like this, it is a trip into a mind and its intricacies, and very well done  [This message has been edited by Iloveit (edited 10-20-1999).] |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Oops, Brad, the NO instead of NOT was a typo. I'm fixing it right now. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
The format of this poem works well to portray the title...Just a Bit of Insanity It's a crazy ride that kept me holding on for dear life, but I rather liked it, or at least the carefree insane part of me did Sometimes crazy poems that make very little sense tend to take our minds away from the serious, tragic side of everyday life and prove to be a nice change from the ordinary. I absolutely hate the use of caps in a poem, although in this case I could picture the screams or shouts of insanity and I think it would lose something without them, so I'll forgive you that one |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Systematic Decay, I know nothing of 'form', but I do know I liked this a lot. I think I even forgot to breath reading this. It amazed me to find myself 'in' this insane mind. Yep, I really liked this. : ) |
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