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Walter Poe
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 787

0 posted 1999-10-19 12:27 PM

He was a large man
From the Rocks he was hewn
To watch over the children
Gaurdian of doom

Their frail dissposition
Allowed no suppose
Because frail little children
need more protection than most

The giant held a vigil
On the four winds they came
To challenge this Titan
A martyr of Flame

The winds they told
Of this brave man and true
of the children of cupid
And their eyes of blue

They came from mars
The Devil and the stone
the demons of hell
And creatures flesh and bone

To challenge his might
And crush his bones
The Giant grew tired
To an angel he fell

And now we are all doomed to reside
In the seventh level of hell

For the children were the chosen
For the children were the key
They are the good to balance
The evils in you and Me.

------------------
Pride of place in the human race goes to one without a trace,
of subtlety style ego or grace for this position, I wish to say, i would be proud as i am greater than any other face in the crowd

Iloveit
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 1121
NM

1 posted 1999-10-19 03:58 PM

walter, I am sorry I cannot critique or help you with this better, but I don't understand the connection. the last verse is nice, I do understand how we should protect our children, they are the future. But what I don't understand is your Giant, how and what does he represent and how did he fall, leaving our children unprotected?
thanks

Walter Poe
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 787

2 posted 1999-10-21 06:46 AM

The Giant is humanity (Society old enough to protect)
It fell to misguided goodness (The angel)
because popular belief (angel manifestation) believed the giant represented difference it is therefore bad and must be slain. While it actually represents goodness unbounded by fear. With this goodness gone then humanities future (the children) is doomed.
or as a great man once said:
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"

------------------
Pride of place in the human race goes to one without a trace,
of subtlety style ego or grace for this position, I wish to say, i would be proud as i am greater than any other face in the crowd

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

3 posted 1999-10-22 12:47 PM

Okay, I get the gist of this piece....."and a child shall lead them"
I did find myself confused about one area here
"To challenge his might
And crush his bones
The Giant grew tired
To an angel he fell

And now we are all doomed to reside
In the seventh level of hell"

you are going along here, rhyme scheme is great ABCB DEFE GHIH....(even if suppose and most is pushing it just a bit).....meter is basically intact, then we get here and everything you've worked on so far gets bypassed and the flow of the entire poem is inturrupted. I can't help but wonder why you chose to do this?

Walter Poe
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 787

4 posted 1999-11-01 08:02 AM

Its comeing to an end it loses its rhyme because the last three paras become one

So the rhyme scheme of the whole becomes prominent

------------------
Pride of place in the human race goes to one without a trace,
of subtlety style ego or grace for this position, I wish to say, i would be proud as i am greater than any other face in the crowd

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