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forgotten friend
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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forgotten friend |
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wolfie97 Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 58Newcastle, WY USA |
My friend silence Is a foe To the unknown I break away Take a chance Fill my dreams With circumstance I make amends Give a chance Let the unknown Come and dance I make a friend I reunite A long lost man We set things right Alone am I And still see me My long lost friend Catch up on we. ------------------ Garrett 'sneaky' Gall |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i don't quite understand this, like the lines "silence is a foe to the unknown." i don't really know where you are going with that. it seems to me like silence would be a friend to the unknown. perhaps you could explain the intention of this line better. |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
ok sort of agree with roxanne on that line, I understand how silence could be a foe to the unknown, but don't understand how it fits in this poem. to me this seems like you had a dark period in your life and then found yourself and made peace inside, but am not sure, would like to hear your comments.... |
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wolfie97 Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 58Newcastle, WY USA |
actually, yeah, for a while, I was so caught up in making other people around me happy, that I lost touch with myself. When the most important person left, I got back in touch with my true self. ------------------ Garrett 'sneaky' Gall |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
thanks for responding, and now that I KNOW the meaning for sure, I reread and like it even more  the only edit I would suggest is a comma after friend in the first line |
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wolfie97 Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 58Newcastle, WY USA |
It reads, "My friend silence". As in I am now befreinding silence. Meaning I like being alone now. Except now, silence and I are now scared, or in dislike of what is unknown about my future. Thus, the sentence, "My friend silence is a foe to the unknown." Is that any help? Sometimes I am very confusing in every aspect of life. Thank you for your replies! ------------------ Garrett 'sneaky' Gall |
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wolfie97 Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 58Newcastle, WY USA |
It reads, "My friend silence". As in I am now befreinding silence. Meaning I like being alone now. Except now, silence and I are now scared, or in dislike of what is unknown about my future. Thus, the sentence, "My friend silence is a foe to the unknown." Is that any help? Sometimes I am very confusing in every aspect of life. Thank you for your replies! ------------------ Garrett 'sneaky' Gall |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
thanks, yes the way you read it makes more sense, that was the only thing I had trouble with in the poem |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
To be honest, I like your idea more than your poem. I think the problem, for me, is that you are still playing with abstraction. 'To the unknown' -- what specifically is unknown? New people? New places? New adventures? You can certainly argue that if I knew what it was, it wouldn't be unknown but the 'unknown' can be contrasted with the 'known'. Perhaps it is the self? Why not try to develop that and give us a slice that is distinctly you? 'Take a chance Fill my dreams' What is the chance and what are the dreams? I was reading James Reeves recently who argued that poetry has to have a certain generality in order to be effective. I disagree or I think many people have misunderstood this aphorism. Generality is a built in aspect of language itself. By being more specific, you move the reader closer (never exactly) to what you are feeling (and, or allow the reader to explore new paths). Too much generality leaves the reader with little that he/she doesn't already know. 'Give a chance Let the unknown Come and dance' Life and dance are way overused in poetry. Try using a different metaphor (even a specific type of dance would be better here). Alone am I -- A Yoda impersonation My long lost friend Catch up on we --These two lines seem lost in grammar. You've left the reader hanging. Punctuation would definitely help. Maybe even add one more line to help make the context clearer. I think the rhyme detracts from the effect of the short line; you're drawing attention to the form and not the poem as a whole. If you want to keep the short lines, drop the rhymes. Again, interesting idea but you need to work on developing more powerful imagery to do the idea justice. Just an opinion, Brad |
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