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Critical Analysis #1
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princezz
New Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 8
Brighton, MI, USA

0 posted 1999-10-11 06:57 PM


Sparkling in the sunshine, she dances on her toes; Her hair in perfect pigtails tied with bright red bows.

Playing in the grass, dashing through the rain; Her spirit is so free it feels no type of pain.

Swinging from a tree branch alone is where she dwells; Absorbing God's great gifts, smelling the sweet smells.

A child equipped with angel wings, cherishing the beauties of spring; Free from heartach she plays her game, Ryann was this child's name.

© Copyright 1999 princezz - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 1999-10-16 11:44 PM


I was a little irritated by the style of this poem; the internal rhyme seems a bit simplistic. Nevertheless, you have that tantalizing last line that just begs for more. It's like your building up a certain innocence and then have it come crashing down by some tragedy. But then you don't give us the tragedy, just the name. There is something to be said for leaving the reader wanting more, but here you don't even give us a taste.

This is like the beginning of as yet unfinished poem,

Just an opinion,
Brad

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