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merlynh
Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 411
deer park, wa

0 posted 1999-10-09 09:31 PM

I am not a poet. I give that up fifteen years ago when someone wanted to publish what I wrote. I burned all my work. Got in a real serious accident and nothing has been the same since. Lately I've only really began getting back into writing. "Poet Refuses To Publish" I wrote holds a lot of truth for me. Tell me if that poet who was is still alive?

We Who Create

Oh wishful dreamers
who call
among those who constantly fall.

Not here, anymore than
the one who calls
that dwells in us all

Flowers before a dawn
pixy space
down the hall.

Do we stop at all
To run
To walk
To see.

A knocker.

Upon the simmering walls
our passion's gaze
painted by awe.

Scratches seen
threw a peep hole
Of who is never seen.

Are our melancholy dreams
wishful dreams
In a hall at all.

© 1999 by Merlyn Hearn

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 1999-10-10 03:19 AM

Well, if you're not a poet, then is this not a poem? I sometimes feel uncomfortable with the term 'poet' myself because of its connotation, not its denotation.

This is an interesting piece with some very nice moments but overall I think you need more imagery and less metaphysical speculation. I think the last stanza should have a question mark (as well as in a few other places) but then I would argue that maybe you should answer the question(s). I'm one of those people who believe rhetorical questions can be answered provisionally.

I found all the 'all' rhymes a little irritating. I wonder what you were trying to do there?

Interesting but seems underdeveloped (but I say that all the time and have been criticised for not being Zen enough. And I practised Zen in Japan for a year, would you believe.)

Brad

merlynh
Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 411
deer park, wa

2 posted 1999-10-10 12:26 PM

What I meant by not being a poet is that I don't think of myself as a troubadour.

"Metaphysical Speculation?" How else is God really comprehened if not threw a "Metaphysical Speculation?" Perhaps Zen can acertain an enlightenment. Does it?

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

3 posted 1999-10-11 09:49 AM

Merlyn-

I agree with Brad that question marks are missing, but y'know what?

The poet in you is STILL very much alive! I've only read your prose. This is the first poem I've read by you.... and I think it's wonderful.

I disagree with Brad about the "call/fall" repetitive lines. There's a certain type of haunting feeling I get from this and repeating that same rhyme helps create it. It's almost mesmorizing and hyptnotic.

I hope to see you posting more poetry, Merlyn. I'll look for it.

dp

merlynh
Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 411
deer park, wa

4 posted 1999-10-12 01:20 PM

Thanks Doreen, it makes me feel good coming from someone who writes such great poems.

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