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Unsettled
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Unsettled |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA 
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Unsettled There is no calm before the storm. Long before the silence is broken, the clouds set in. I find myself trembling in the darkness, waiting for the first outburst. Why must it always be this way? I can shut my eyes to the lightning; but the thunder still roars; and my tears fall like rain. Long after the storm has passed... The effects remain. ------------------ Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
Deep for such a simple poem. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
This is true of emotional storms as well as the ones sent by Mother Nature. Well done. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Yes, merlynh...it is deep Martie...this one is packed full of symbolism, more concerning emotional storms that the kind mother nature provides us with. Thank you |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
hoot you are such a great poet I hesitate to even try to critique one of yours  but brad says we can have a good critque as well as a bad one, so, will say I really love this, it comes through very clearly that this is more about emotions cause I know just how you are feeling, and you wrote it perfectly...the last 5 lines just make me want to..... sigh really well done |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Iloveit....thank you. You are right, there can be both good and bad critiques. I'm glad you enjoyed this one |
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misterpoet Junior Member
since 1999-10-26
Posts 18 |
when i read this - i thought emotional storms. emotional storms can sometimes cause more havoc than those delivered by Mother Nature's hand. Thanks. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Ruth...You and I have too much in common. I feel every word of this. Storms deplete me daily now it seems. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Marilyn, thank you for the kind reply, there is no better form of praise to a writer than to know their work touched someone. My response to you has nothing to do with your analysis....but my heart goes out to you. Misterpoet...emotional storms are far more destrucitve, so true. The destruction mother nature creates can usually be rebuilt, sometimes what emotional storms create never can be. Thank you for your comment. [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 10-26-1999).] |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Wow, Ruth, this one is one I can relate to. I know about emotional storms. As for analysis, I have said before, I really hesitate to critique free verse because I feel that although I may have done something different, it is all in the author's style, and I wont say anything unless a mistake really leaps out at me, and needless to say, none do in this one. Personally I like the imagery. Great work here. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I'm certainly glad that everybody seems to enjoy this poem. Sometimes, I wonder, if the sign of a good poem is not whether everybody loves it or everybody dislikes it but the ability to illicit a multitude of different responses. Indeed, if it means something slightly different for everybody who reads it. Now, why did I start this comment off with that?  'No calm before the storm' -- my first response was to say, "Of course there is." I think this walks dangerously close to cliche and not a strong enough first line for such a short poem. Perhaps, describe a certain type of calmness to contrast what's going on in your head. Wendy, who has posted only one poem at this forum and who I consider one of the most consistent poets, published or unpublished, around has a great poem that describes this very well. Maybe I'll see if I can get her to post it here. I would change some of the punctuation: Long before the silence is broken, [long before] the clouds set in, I find myself trembling in the darkness. Waiting for the first outburst, [develop this here] This seems to flow better to my ear. 'my tears fall like rain' -- I know of at least one other poem on this page that uses that image. Isn't that a problem? I like the teasing aspect of the last two lines. I'm pretty sure that I 'see' what you are going for but would definitely like you to tell me more. You've almost got a sort of permanent storm in your head and you know how I feel about permanence  . I think you need some type of tension or contrast to make this poem come alive.But what do I know? Brad |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Actually Brad, I posted this here several weeks ago for your benifit. I was wondering what type of response it would elicit from you after seeing some of your responses to other poems here. Although I do not think this is one of my better poems, I have been repeatedly told otherwise. It relies on total use of symbolism and yes, borders on cliche. As for changing it, I don't believe I will as it has been published twice and won an award. A lesson learned in poetry...It is all in the eye of the reader. We can never hope to please everyone, the most we can ever hope to do is please ourselves and in doing so please others at the same time. The beauty of art of any form lies in its total subjectiveness. When we both look at the same piece of art, we often see different things. When I look at Picasso, I see a child wanting to come out, you may see art, the most splendod of paintings. When I look at Grandma Moses, I see the beauty of simplicity...you may see something else. The same goes for writing (poetry). You may think my favorite poet stinks and I yours, does that make either of us wrong? No, it makes us individuals and that's what makes this world a better and much more interesting place As always, thank you for your comments on my work. I appreciate and take them all to mind. [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 10-26-1999).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Good points. Curious: which award did it win? If you haven't already figured it out, I do the same thing with published poetry that I do here (I sometimes throw the magazine Poetry across the room because I think some of the poems are just horrible ). Sometimes, I read a poem that I at first dilike but, a few months later, find that it sings to me. It is subjective and that's fine with me. (sorry about the 'illicit' word).I rarely post a comment after the first reading of a poem but try to wait at least one day (which may still not be long enough). This may be a problem with the 'immediate gratification' thing of this forum. Every comment I make is intended as provisional; I gave up a long time ago on have final opinions on anything .That said, I'm not changing my mind (yet) about this one. Favorite poet (at the moment): Seamus Heaney and Richard Wilbur. Like Pinsky as well. So what're your favorite poets? Brad |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Brad it won the 1999 President's Recognition Of Literary Excellence award. Something in my book to be proud of, maybe not a major milestone for some. No need to change your mind on this one, I have said some of the same things as you about it from time to time, but I am not sure I could change this one if I wished. This poem wrote itself, there was no effort on my part. I simply had the idea come into my head, sat down and wrote it out, I had no idea what I wrote until after I sat and read it and I cried rivers for about 3 hours afterwards. This poem may have, infact, created a turning point in my life. Ah, not feasible with your idea of what poetry is I know, but as I've said, poetry is something different to each person. As to my favorite poets.....I have so many: Poe, Barett-Browning, Dickenson, Frost, Elliot, Thomas...just to name a few. [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 10-26-1999).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Hey, I think that's great. You should be proud (and maybe stop listening to me). Anyway, to the poets: Thomas -- the first poet to move me (and far more influential than most people seem to think). Still like him. Elliot -- Hate the Greek; like most the rest. Frost -- member of my fraternity; have to like him. Strong influence on my own work (in terms of style, not theme) Barret-Browning -- certainly the better of the two Brownings, don't you think? Poe -- nope, like the stories. Poems sound nice, maybe too nice. Dickenson -- one of the most overrated poets of the last two hundred years. (know I'm in a minority of one on that one) Well, I suppose we have plenty to talk about now. When you have time, please check out my new poem. I'm beginning to wonder if people think I'm always serious. I write light stuff too. Honest. Brad |
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