Answers (this one needs your comments)

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Critical Analysis #1

Answers (this one needs your comments)

rachana.s
Member

since 1999-09-16

Posts 55
madras,tamil nadu,India

0 posted 1999-10-05 08:53 AM

Words fail me when I want to speak
I never really knew I was so weak.
Every time I see your face,
I just loose track of the days.
I find myself lost in you -
Even hours equal to minutes so few.

What things, a year ago, mattered to me,
Now no longer seem a priority.
Not my safety or my pride,
Nothing from you do I have to hide.
Whatever impression of unhappiness in mind;
With you I’ve left the past behind.

Somehow now that I’ve reached you,
You stay forever, of me a part.
When before I had only space for myself,
Pictures of you now form my heart.
I smile when you do and cry when you do;
Every hurt that pains you pains me too.

When you hold my hand, comforts do I feel.
With you near me, any demon can I deal.
Around you, I forget my past.
Beside you, the world is so beautiful and vast.
When of my soul you are so much a part,
You tell me now, my dear, that I know you not.

Sometimes when I’m sure the days at end,
You walk right in; wipe away the sunset.
But when for a while I don’t hear your voice,
Till then a sunny day, becomes all rainy and wet.
If this is not love what then is it? -
That kills not in one stroke but bit by bit.

RACHI

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

1 posted 1999-10-05 03:05 PM

I greatly enjoyed the wit written within, and the final lines. Just a few trifling things distracted from the total enjoyment of reading this poem.

1) There is some fluctuation between iambic and trochaic meter; exa.: v1,6.

2) Rhyme scheme seems to follow AABBCC (near rhyme: face, days) CCDDEE...then it gets weird...FGHGFF IIJJKK (near rhyme: part, not) LMNMOO....what happened?

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem, filled with the nuances and simple joys of love and the act of being smitten.

Alicat

donovan blue
Junior Member

since 1999-09-21

Posts 26
austin,tx,usa

2 posted 1999-10-05 10:01 PM

a touching poem...

please post more!

rachana.s
Member

since 1999-09-16

Posts 55
madras,tamil nadu,India

3 posted 1999-10-08 01:32 AM

thanks alicat for the feedback, I'll sure try to work on the rhyme.

donovan, I'm glad you liked the poem - I wrote it once in a fight with my boyfriend.

rachi

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