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No Loss At All
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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No Loss At All |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Or is it...this one completely ran away from me....How can I help it, or is it beyond repair? No Loss At All a rage of insanity grips the heart perils of madness fly by unseen trampled forgotten alone so cry tears of sorrow tears of pain but none of fear find solace in the chaos of solitude for it is only loss of reason loss of love yet with such loss comes the freedom to live [This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 10-11-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
I like this, it is about a sad thing, a loss, but the end is peaceful, not promising sadness or tears, just promising life, and what you do with it is up to you.... very good  |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Truthfully I think its a very good poem......a little sometihng that I can't put my finger on seems missing, but good poem anyway....I especially loved the oxymoron of: find solace in the chaos of solitude I really like when contradictions are used in potry, because in my yees, everything is just that: one big contradiction. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I too thought there was something missing. I am not sure what. The poem does read very well though. I was just left thinking...."What did I miss here? Is there supposed to be more linking the insanity to the calm?" |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Ok, so we're all missing something! LOL I think it might be in the transition between lines 12 and 13. What do you think? |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
very interesting! i'd delete the second "so" before "find solace", as well as "yet" a few lines later and replace that with "and". one question though: how can insanity grip the heart? perhaps i'm being dense here, but sanity or insanity is a quality affecting one's reason, and reason is not usually a quality associated with the "heart". in the second to last verse you set up a duality of loss of reason and loss of love, perhaps that can be established earlier, in the first verse, by coupling insanity gripping the mind with something else affecting the heart. just a suggestion. if there's a transition "problem" (and i don't think there is, really), its between lines 8 and 9 (i.e., between "so truly alone" and "so cry"). that's where the transition occurs, from the description to the commentary or advice. on reading the poem again, i'd take out the "so" before "truly alone," and perhaps the "truly", too (and have the word "alone" stand...alone, lol). the second half of the poem is excellent; as i see it, it's the first part (and not the transition) that needs some work. what is unseen, trampled and forgotten? the perils of madness? or the speaker? or the speaker's heart, or mind? (or both?) can you clarify this? i think you need to set things up a little better; work backwards from your strong finish, and show the loss of reason, and the loss of love. a house with its roof ripped off appears to be destroyed, but your poem would say no, now it's open to the beautiful sky. the trick will be in describing destruction that, when looked at in a different light, will be liberating...but i know you can do it! the poem is far from "beyond repair," christopher... good luck! i'll be anxious to see what you can come up with. [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 10-04-1999).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well thank you Jenni. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back. I have been getting quite "bummed" with the lack of "real" responses here in critical analysis, and I forgot about this completely...now let's see what you said again... Ok, deleting so right now, thank you. Replacing with "and" Hmmm, not so sure about that one. I want to show that despite the other losses, there are advantages as well. Don't you think replacing it with "and" might show that the losses are not really losses at all? Insanity and heart- Ok, my intent here, was to demonstrate that when we lose "reason" ergo sanity, it affects the way in which we see things through our "heart." Ie: Love. Perhaps an idea would be to expound on that more, to provide a seguey into it? so truly in front of alone gone...good idea. clarification: hmm, now I'll have to think about that. I wanted to "speed" this along, showing that it can happen in the snap of a finger so to speak. I'm afraid if I add too much more it might detract from that feeling. What do you think? Thank you again for this response. It was well thought out and I think followed the ideals of CA! |
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handbagsatfiftypaces Junior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 12 |
you suprise me with this one, i have trussed up my high horse and hav descended from olympus to say i liked this a lot. in fact i thought it was great ( well i would prefix that comment with an expletive but ron will get roused on me)i really think this is good. the best bit is FIND SOLACE IN THE CHAOS OF SOLITUDE. damn wish more were written like this. sound as a dollar pound |
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