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roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us

0 posted 1999-10-01 01:37 AM


Simple?
In less words than I
Might need
Perhaps they sound forced
Like I force anything
I don't mean to be awful
Contrary to popular thought
I only hoped to please you
Though it's apparent that
You are not

------------------
"Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens


roxane


© Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved
rachana.s
Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55
madras,tamil nadu,India
1 posted 1999-10-01 03:59 AM


roxane, you cat, simplicity is it? you got me there. this is kindoff cute - this one sure did please me. looks like you are getting good at this acrostic thing. By the way you got me so curious that I discovered that "Lamentations" in the bible uses this form.

No. you are NOT awful and I am pleased.

You've caught me fair and square,
Over this one count
Unable to say word,
Ceasefire - I plead to you
Apt it was - your reply and
Thank you for the class.

Roxane have I replied to you just the way you want? Since this is MY first attempt forgive the ameture mistakes

rachi


roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us
2 posted 1999-10-01 04:22 PM


Rarely do I
Apologize for a
Cat-like action
Here I find though
All my words
Never quite there anyways
All at once, betrayed me

So I tried a little

Acrostics really make you think.... to come up with the fitting words and everything.. it's easier said than done... but they are fun

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
3 posted 1999-10-03 04:55 PM


Well, it seems you guys are having some fun with that form. Keep it up.

roxane,
I liked this poem. I like this even before I new it was an acrostic (I missed it completely the first time around. We all miss some things some of the time. That's why I think we need a forum like this.) For me, this a personal monologue that sounds true to me ear. It sounds like someone was called simplistic or naive and is responding either internally or at that moment to the other speaker. I think the style works well with the theme (not just the first letters).

Particularly liked:

Perhaps they sound forced
Like I'd force anything

I would add some punctuation to make it easier on the reader to get the 'flow' of the piece but, stil, truly enjoyed it.

But wait 'till I get to 'love'
Brad

rachana.s
Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55
madras,tamil nadu,India
4 posted 1999-10-04 09:56 AM


roxane,

Betray you they sure did,
Every word you said.
What exactly bewitched me I know not, still,
I'll let you know - I'm impressed.
Tell me no sorry's ever. 'Cause
Cattiness comes freely to few.
Hold it - it's one of those dear parts of you.
Engaged in this triad of fun,
Dare I tell you I don't want this to end.

brad,

I'm sure having fun. if you take a look at roxane's post of "one breath" you'd get the train of this conversation. I asked her to use simple words in her acrostic and here's her reply.

lol
rachi



roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us
5 posted 1999-10-05 12:33 PM


Although we're enjoying these
Caustic little retorts
Remember that simplicity
Overall is still forced
Sigh, to write effortlessly
Though it wouldn't mean as much
I'd like to write one
Certain not of its purpose


let's hear another one rachana

roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us
6 posted 1999-10-05 12:33 PM


oops i clicked twice
vaulting this game to the top again
even though it was a mistake
really i don't regret it
zig-zagging through a tangle of words
eventually coming up with one
and even taking the opportunity to
lose myself in another
on top of the previous
unfair it is not to wait for a reply
see, it WAS a mistake and all


had to do it, sorry



[This message has been edited by roxane (edited 10-05-1999).]

rachana.s
Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55
madras,tamil nadu,India
7 posted 1999-10-05 08:20 AM


Simplicity - dear, I mean not in thought,
In just the expression you've got.
Most times with complicated words,
Poets do so much spoil the verse.
Little do they understand
In other's perception it has a hand.
Cat, I do not mean this for you -
I know you are commited to your verses true.
The reason I ever mentioned this -
Your "one breath" to me was a little amiss.

And roxane, I told you that you need never apologise. you are very welcome.

rachi

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