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Critical Analysis #1
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Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 1999-09-26 01:56 AM


Filled with the wonder of great expectations
Stories of treasures that others have sought
Covered with dust of the lost generations
A lonesome plantain grows by the road

Ears towards heaven, roots in the ground
Silently waiting, covered with haze
A plant rarely cares for what is around
Blindly seeking the warm distant rays

I stand beside it, laughing with sorrow
With dirt and mud all over my boots
In wild pursuit of unending tomorrow
I dream everyday of having its roots


------------------
I fell in love and kept on falling

© Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 1999-09-26 11:40 PM


Haven't I seen this in a couple of other places before ?

I like the word 'plantain' but I wonder what particular type of mountain/plant you wish to be? Plant/mountain's have ears? If they rarely care what is 'around them', I suppose they rarely use whatever auditory devices they might have.

Two points:

Be more specific in your imagery.

Try to explain a little bit more clearly why you wish to be this thing?

Interested in seeing the results here, not elsewhere.

Brad

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