»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
My Stranger and me
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
My Stranger and me |
|
|
rachana.s Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55madras,tamil nadu,India |
Ever day when I took a walk, I saw a stranger go by. I nodded my head and smiled. He returned it so shy. Every day this routine I kept up on my walk Never did we utter a word, never did we talk. For months on end the same man, the same path I did not want to change it and neither did he ask. Then one fine day as I strolled the green, The whole walk, my stranger was not seen. First time I let it go cause he ment nothing to me Second time I let it go cause how silly could I be. Third time though the thought struck and stuck Where was my stranger? Where the hell could he be? Some how I've come to miss him, this stanger of mine He had become a part of me, of the pattern of my mind Funny but still so impressive - lifes little games You start waiting for strangers - not knowing names Of all the things in life this is the hardest to beat That my stranger should appear for my life to be complete. |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Gowri Viswam - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
rachana.s I like the idea (I've been there) but I don't feel the connection between the connection between the character and the stranger. You don't describe him or give anything to feel about him. If he has has become part of the character's routine show us his actions, his idiosyncracies, his clothes, his age, his looks (is there an undercurrent romantic fantasy going on here -- I hope not but you might want to explore that). Give us more reality and detail. If you want to keep the rhyme scheme (I don't see how it helps the poem), you should clean up the meter and try to get it to flow more. On the other hand, you might want to drop that and move in a very relaxed free verse, simple conversational style. Maybe even make it longer and build up a little tension before the character disappears. Interesting idea -- just think it needs a little development. Brad |
||
|
rachana.s Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55madras,tamil nadu,India |
brad, thanks. I'll try to explain on the different points you mentioned. This poem was written about one of my friends. This person is not my confidante. But we understand each other perfectly without intruding into each others spaces. Actually I sort of do some work for him. Now that he's away I miss the easy camaraderie. As to describing the stranger, the reason I did not concentrate on him was because the focus was not on him but on my feelings. He was just there. How or what he was was not the focus. My intention was to convey my feelings to him. There is no element of romance involved as I said in the poem, he has become a part of my routine - nothing else. I miss that missing patch. I've always been facinated by rhyme. Though I've got used to it, I sure will work on the poem a little bit more. thanks again. And call me rachi please. All my friends do. rachi. P.S: And brad, I have to frankly say that I have no literary knowledge of writing poems. I just write them as they come to me making very few corrections. I'd like to gain more knowledge on the same. Could you suggest some book that may be helpful for me to learn. I'm from India by the way. Do you know any other method I can learn the art of writing poetry? I'm really interested [This message has been edited by rachana.s (edited 09-28-1999).] |
||
|
donovan blue Junior Member
since 1999-09-21
Posts 26austin,tx,usa |
A few things I found rather interesting... When I first read this, it reminded me of many, many instances of connection with a "stranger" I was actually taken aback to find out that thew person was actually KNOWN by you. The message sent to me is no doubt in relation to my personal perpective and not as much related to the message you were trying to convey. But I think, nonetheless it conjured a vivid image in my mind...and although there is room for improvement (there almost always is) I enjoyed it a great deal. I also wanted to say that poetry flows from the divine through us. So don't be discouraged by your lack of specific knowledge. Let the words flow! I find that often it is all too easy to screw up a beautiful poem by OVERanalysis. I do think that there are ways to learn more about the writing process (you could spend your whole life learning and still need more) and all of us should continue to learn... just don't turn a deaf ear to inspiration, however irrational it might sound. Very nice, thank you. humbly, donovan |
||
|
rachana.s Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55madras,tamil nadu,India |
donovan, thanks. The explanation for the poem was only for Brads benefit. The poem was ment to let you perceive as per your perspective. That was what I exactly wanted to convey. If I had needed to be specific I would have been. I was aiming at generality. To fit any person who appealed to me the same way. And I am alwalys welcome to comments. I do intend to work on this poem to iron out some rough edges. But not now. I need to sleep on it a little while. rachi |
||
|
jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
rachi, this was a really interesting piece. i agree with brad on 2 points, cleaning up the meter if that's the structure you want, and building somehow a better connection between the speaker and the stranger. the focus does not have to be on the stranger; if you work at it, a deft phrase or two will do the trick. i know the poem is about your feelings, but feelings have to have a context; there must have been something about the stranger, however seeming trivial, that sparked these feelings. otherwise, why does the speaker have feelings about the stranger at all, as opposed to a tree the speaker walks past each day in her routine, or a lamppost, or anything else? you're a good writer, i know it's in you to tell us why this person touched something in the speaker (beyond merely saying it's one of life's little games). i've read a number of your comments on other poems, and i know you believe that the purpose of poetry is to describe the writer's feelings. i think a poem should be about much more than that, it shouldn't merely describe feelings, but examine them, and i know that this piece and several of your others would be truly fantastic poems if you dug a little deeper and reflected more on WHY you feel the way you do. your self-reflections will help the reader examine (rather than merely identify) his or her own feelings from the same or a similar situation, and make us all understand and appreciate more about ourselves, life, and the world around us. (you should keep in mind, though, that poetry can do alot of other things that have nothing to do with describing or even examining "feelings".) i hope you do work on this one more, i would love to read what you have to say. you asked brad about learning about poetry. mind if i toss in some free advice? (remember, you get what you pay for, lol.) if you're in college, by all means take some poetry classes. if you're doing this on your own, a really good way to learn is simply to read alot of the famous poets. find a few you like from different time periods and read, read, read. shakespeare, donne, milton, dryden, pope, blake, coleridge, wordsworth (if you can stand him, lol), burns, byron, shelley, keats, the brownings, hardy, yeats, eliot, whitman, poe, dickinson, millay, frost, cummings, thomas, stevens, auden, ginsberg, pinsky, haney... geez, there are sooooo many to choose from. get a good anthology and leaf through it, check out the different styles, the different themes, the different ideas, you can learn so much on your own that way. the 2 volume norton anthology of english literature (i used this in college and still go through it time and time again) has a really good discussion of meter, rhyme and free verse in an appendix in the back; the editors don't hit you over the head with it, but it is there to explore and refer to, while you are totally free to roam around the rest of the book without getting caught up with mechanics. with each different author they tell you a little about what makes him or her unique, and of course give useful notes, so you're not totally in the dark. most books i've seen about writing -- written by college professors, usually -- are incredibly obtuse and overly academic, and do little other than inhibit creativity. have fun with poetry, go where your instincts take you and see what happens! |
||
|
rachana.s Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55madras,tamil nadu,India |
jenni, wow, thanks. Yes. I do agree with you. It is hard to relate to this piece with out knowing the "why" of my feelings. An other reason may be that somehow the relationship I have with the stranger is something I've found hard to describe. May be that itself can be used to explain. any way I'll keep this in mind when I work on this. I'll putn it up here as soon as possible. and thanks for the info. there is so much to learn and so little time. I wish I were at collage so that I could have dedicated more time to writing. I regret it now that I never gave it much of my time when I could have, now that I have a more tham busy career. Most times the reason being that there was no encouragement or guidance. But now that I've discovered this thing in me to learn more, I'm trying to put away as much time to it. I'll try to go through some of the books you suggested. Its going to sure take time. love rachi |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||