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Critical Analysis #1

My Inner Self

Mona Lisa
Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 100
Halifax, Nova Scotia

0 posted 1999-09-21 08:55 AM

Who am I?
Am I the pieces of a puzzle,
which when complete, comes to fruition?

Am I my thoughts
my actions, my words?
my intuitions?

When the forces of evil capture me
and hold me hostage in my thoughts
am I then a victim?

If I falter and deviate the norm,
and heed unseeming urges
do I suffer conviction?

What debate then afronts the mind?
to what do I owe the blame,
of rampant thoughts askew,

Of reckless mind meanderings,
of worthless brainstorm with
integrity long overdue?

One true search of the mind
would enlighten the quest
and the honest truth uncover

My inner self, is who I am
hence the girth
of the truth I discover

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 1999-09-28 03:23 AM

Mona Lisa,

You've got the start of a poem here but far too general to be very interesting to someone who doesn't know you (if they knew you, it would be quite different). I would drop the first part with all the questions; it becomes repetitive and work on showing that inner self to the reader. I don't think anyone would deny that we are all unique beings; can you show us that distinctiveness, not tell us that it's there (I had already assumed it would be). What do you care about? Why is this quest important to you?

Give us scenes from your life (as mundane as you want; it's in the writing that will make them interesting -- make the familiar, strange and the strange familiar is a common enough dictum.).

Just some suggestions,
Brad

Mona Lisa
Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 100
Halifax, Nova Scotia

2 posted 1999-09-28 10:25 AM

Your critique is well taken, although I must say you have misinterpreted the point of the poem. The poem is not meant to be about me, the writer. The questions in the poem are as if the reader is asking his or herself. I think you interpreted the poem as me the writer asking the reader who I am and that is not what the poem is meant to convey.

Again, your points and critique are well taken. Thank you for responding to it.

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