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Critical Analysis #1

should my time come

donovan blue
Junior Member

since 1999-09-21

Posts 26
austin,tx,usa

0 posted 1999-09-21 12:57 PM

should my time come
before reconciliation
bring to her my flowers,
however humble, however petty.
for she was the loss of a lifetime,
and even wilted flowers may
touch the soul.

numbered days...
not by the calendar,
rather by choices.
undefined.
counting when all is for nought.
a love undiminished,
a soul unburdened,
the fading bouquet of yesterday...

------------------

Littlewings
Member

since 1999-09-19

Posts 62

1 posted 1999-09-22 05:18 PM

blue-
very inspired..-i must know who or who inspired you so.(not to say it didint all come from your heart)

donovan blue
Junior Member

since 1999-09-21

Posts 26
austin,tx,usa

2 posted 1999-09-22 07:33 PM

littlewings, in answer to your question...
she was the love of my life, and I was a fool. By the way, I've read some of your posts and they are wonderful. Thanks for the feedback!

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

3 posted 1999-09-25 10:23 PM

I am new at this critical forum..so bear with me.

"bring to her my flowers,
however humble, however petty."

I like this phrase except for the word petty. It seems out of place.. maybe trifling is a better word here.

Otherwise, it's good I like it very much!

donovan blue
Junior Member

since 1999-09-21

Posts 26
austin,tx,usa

4 posted 1999-09-26 03:52 PM

I chose petty in reference not only to the imagery of flowers but also to express the actual act described. When I first wrote this the same thing stuck out to me. But after a bit more introspection I understood where the word came from and what message it brought, so I stuck with it. I hadn't thought of trifling...thank you for your suggestion. I look forward to more exchanges with other poets such as yourself...once again, thanks.

rachana.s
Member

since 1999-09-16

Posts 55
madras,tamil nadu,India

5 posted 1999-09-27 01:43 AM

I have in a book,
Wilted flowers bought to me -
By the one love I missed.
Still so dear to my heart.
How petty,
But still so dear to my heart.

donovan, it was beautiful.

rachi

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