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Critical Analysis #1
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Lelly Shae
Junior Member
since 1999-09-20
Posts 32


0 posted 1999-09-20 07:34 PM


Untitled

I took the thoughts from my mind,and threw them all in the sea,
they floated among salty brine,waiting patiently to be retrieved.
The milky sun set slowly and the words crashed against my feet,
and I looked wide across the ocean at the sky which peacefully gleamed.

Idly,as I stood,the day became dark and
the stars lit the sky with thousands of sparks.
I then heard in the wind a mystically haunting rhyme,
the words were like satin,welcomingly divine.
As I listened all the words were slowly spoken me:
‘Long ago I left with tears but now I’ve come back to thee’.

The words tore through my heart,to the traces of a barren soul,
through a broken and forlorn mind,hidden in a morose mold.
Suddenly I saw,in the shimmering diamonds on the sea,
her eyes of the deepest sapphire,and in them I saw me.
Tears made pink paths along my fiery crimson skin,
I pleaded and she cried,but I knew that Death would win.
Her eyes then closed,and she rested in a peaceful,beautiful sleep,
and all the night was saved for my eyes and mind to mournfully weep.

Heavenly rays of light then streamed from the newly awoken sky,
and her face appeared faintly to my smiling and longing eyes.
I dropped to my knees and raised my arms to my beloved,
to touch her beautiful face again that forever I have coveted.
She entered my soul and filled me with such overwhelming rapture,
that I ran across the sand into the sea,hoping to catch her.
I lurched into the water,but it was then she faded into the night,
and the waves crashed over me,as I prayed with all my might:
‘Oh my love,fill my heart,with your exquisite smile,
which I would spend my life finding,over hundreds of miles.
You’ve taken my heart,and my very last breath,
please,won’t you take me,oh merciless Death!’

The sea again was painted with a lonesome,dismal blue,
and deep in the hollows of my heart,I knew that my vision had not been true.
I then cried heavy tears that dripped silently into the sea,
because I knew the lady I’d loved no longer belonged to me.

------------------
"Time flies like an arrow,fruit flies like
a banana"--Groucho Marx

(ha ha)



[This message has been edited by Lelly Shae (edited 09-20-1999).]

© Copyright 1999 Lelly Shae - All Rights Reserved
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495
Canyon Country, CA
1 posted 1999-09-20 09:02 PM


I like it! I will post again later, I have to go right now!
Littlewings
Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62

2 posted 1999-09-22 05:15 PM


when i read this- I could see the salty sea and your crimson skin..i love it! your imagery is so beautiful!
Lelly Shae
Junior Member
since 1999-09-20
Posts 32

3 posted 1999-09-22 09:05 PM


Thank you very much. It's so nice to know
your poetry is appreciated

Lelly Shae
Junior Member
since 1999-09-20
Posts 32

4 posted 1999-09-26 10:28 AM


Come on...read my poem!
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