A Burning Desire to End My Fire

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Critical Analysis #1

A Burning Desire to End My Fire

PartiStarks
Junior Member

since 1999-07-31

Posts 38
Brooklyn, NY

0 posted 1999-09-20 03:56 PM

Fire fills my heart and it makes me hate
So I build a furnace around me and
the temperature I will regulate

Tormented by my rage and vexed anger
That my body's inflamed by boiled blood
With thoughts of being hanged like a hanger

Passions to scorn is not my disire
I Yearn to release these unpleasant pains
Though my thoughts are twisted like twined wire

They twirl and spin, internally ignited
Perhaps the blade of dispair will free me
Words of anguish muttered and recited

Shall I stop these awful feeling I bear
With just a few gentle strokes, it could end
Will it end? or will I suffer elsewhere?

(Please let me know how you feel about this poem & what it means to you. I am open for suggestions)

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[This message has been edited by PartiStarks (edited 10-22-1999).]

PartiStarks
Junior Member

since 1999-07-31

Posts 38
Brooklyn, NY

1 posted 1999-10-22 02:20 PM

Some replies please.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

2 posted 1999-10-22 05:13 PM

I have to read this one a few times...give me a bit with it, but I will reply.
Poetry about suicide usually doesn't hit me right. The meter is a bit rough in places, I will tell you that much for now.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 1999-10-24 07:50 PM

Well, with my last run in with suicide poetry, I'm not sure I should respond to this one at all (I'll keep it short and see what happens).

Check the spelling again.
Punctuation can enhance the rhythm of the piece (why only in the last stanza?).

I would change some of the alliteration (and the rhyme) because I think it adds a comic element to the piece and detracts.

On the thematic level: What are your twisted thoughts and how has the character reached such a level of despair? You present your emotions with no context. Show us the unique problems and the unique personality of the character.

For a counter example, why not look at the Hamlet soliloquy again. You know the one.

Interested to see what other people think,
Brad

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