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Critical Analysis #1
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Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551
Pennsylvania

0 posted 1999-09-11 04:24 PM


I love you more, than you could ever know
Know you better than anyone at all
All the guys mean nothing compared to you
You are the one I love forever and longer
Longer than eternity I will be your friend
Friend, and a confidant, your partner in life
Life is special and perfect with you here
Here in my life you always need to stay
Stay this way forever like I know you will
Will make me happy and I will always try
Try to make you happy and love you
You made my world a happy and loving
Loving and serene as I hope it will always be
Be the angel that guards me from all danger
Danger from all evil, you keep me safe,
Safe and protected, you care for me sweetly
Sweetly perfect as you always will be
Be mine for ever and I will keep you happy
Happy we found each other, you and I.

------------------
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
-Bob Hope



© Copyright 1999 Susan Acacio - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 1999-09-15 01:21 AM


It's amazing to me how just a few changes in a poem can change the whole mood. I'm far more comfortable with this version as a 'sincere' poem than I was with the earlier version.

Also, I do like the repetition effect with the last word, first word (something I completely missed the first time around. Perhaps, I was too uncomfortable with what I was reading).

I think you've got a good 'ecstatic' love poem here.

Pet peeve: just not a big fan of hyperbole in poetry (I know, I know. I'm in the minority on that one.)

Thanks,
Brad

loyd168282
Junior Member
since 1999-09-10
Posts 12
lou,ky jefferson
2 posted 1999-09-15 02:37 PM


WELL I WILL AGREE WITH WITH BRAD,IT IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!
Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551
Pennsylvania
3 posted 1999-09-15 08:59 PM


Brad: Thanks for all of your help with this poem it really means a lot. I agree with you completely, this version is much more sincere and I like it a whole lot better. Thanks again!

Loyd: Thank you too, your comment really means a lot!

------------------
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
-Bob Hope


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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » You and I (Edited Version of Perfect)

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