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Lifeless...
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Lifeless... |
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ossachile New Member
since 1999-09-07
Posts 6Philadelphia, PA, USA |
Shallow emptiness, breathing through my life, as if I were the one to be thrown to the side. As if I could imagine that this life was little more than a dream. A lifeless, empty nothing burning in my heart. [This message has been edited by ossachile (edited 09-07-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 ossachile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I don't see enough detail to make this very interesting. It does seem you have a feeling that you want to describe, show but personally I need more to work with. 'Shallow emptiness' -- to what specifically are you referring: words, feelings, experience? As a general comment, it has little meaning. How can 'emptiness' be shallow. More detail. Show us why you want to use these words. 'little more than a dream' -- does it matter if it's a dream or not? Why does is matter? Some people prefer their dreams over this 'world'. 'empty nothing / burning in my heart' -- How does nothing burn? (You can make an argument that it does in a scientific way but here you've left everything so loose that whatever you were trying to say gets lost in the generality. Can you think of a specific situation that brought about these feelings? Describe that. Just my opinion, Brad |
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