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Critical Analysis #1
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Reflection Rendition
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Reflection Rendition |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Before my dazzled eyes I see; a path winding with deception. Coiled like a viper, lurking silent, it wends toward any direction. There only for a selfish heart, it strikes with a cruel perception. You know of no such thing as love, what use your fake perfection? And you dabble rarely in the truth, like a sweet but fat confection. To be honest with what is us, must be far beyond conception. So now all that my ears can hear, are the lies of your invention. I wonder always what you mean, I wonder what's your true intention. ------------------ Everyone has a photographic memory... ...most of us just don't have film! |
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| © Copyright 1999 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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pen of passion Member
since 1999-08-11
Posts 234 |
A great poem Christopher. I love your metaphors. Truth is beauty and beauty is truth. |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Christopher, how dare you write a poem about me like this !!! I am so offended ! I haven't traded you in for a newer model, you traded me in, remember? he he he ******sobbing with head down.....** Since you want a serious response, I'd say this is one of your better pieces - I like it ! ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Thank you pen, I appreciate it...but are you sure it isn't a little trite? PFF- Hey G! What's up with this whole "trading" thing? You're the one who hasn't "called" me in a while! E-mail me girl! I miss U!  ------------------ I believe in the sand beneath my toes. The beach gives a feeling, an earthly feeling. I believe in the faith that grows. -Stephan Jenkins- |
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PartiStarks Junior Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 38Brooklyn, NY |
A beautiful poem. |
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mister61 Junior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 41bergen county, nj |
Good job - very simple but stylistic at the same time. |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
I agree with Mister61...nice style, and the simplicity works well with the theme of truth...I didn't find it trite at all, and I like it very much Christopher!  ------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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Seaangel Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 167Auckland, New Zealand |
Of course it's not trite, chris, something on such an important topic wouldn't be. To be honest, and don't jump down my throat here, while I enjoyed it and understood it's message, I did find it a little hard going. My feeling is you used elaborate language unnecessarily. like "you know of no such thing as love," and "you dabble but rarely in the truth." And, (remember this is only my personal opinion) the heavy rhyming scheme detracted a little from what you were trying to say. Perhaps if you varied the rhyme a little? Take this with a grain of salt, of course, from a free-verser. Otherwise I think it a savagely brilliant piece..  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Thank you everyone, and seaangel, I never take criticism wrongly. I appreciate it, and I expected it since I put this in this forum. Thank you for being honest. And looking back, I think you might be right. I do have a tendancy to latch onto certain words or phrases, and have a hard time letting them go! Thank you for your honest opinion. ------------------ I believe in the sand beneath my toes. The beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling. I believe in the faith that grows. -Stephan Jenkins- |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I liked the rhyme scheme and loved the line 'like a sweet but fat confection' but find what you are talking about to be too general to have any real feeling involved. Number one problem: Why not try to figure out how the other person might see 'you' and write a poem comparing and contrasting the two. Right now, I see this as useless judgement poetry. Sorry (only my opinion), Brad |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Oooh, wonderful idea Brad! I think I shall attempt that. And thank you, your opinion is valued and appreciated! |
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