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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Julie Senior Member
since 1999-08-20
Posts 739Houston, TX |
So many things I wanted to master, But life handed me a disaster. Cancer struck me before I was old, It was then, I knew I had to be bold. I kept doing as one does, No one knew how sick I was. The drugs helped with the pain, Tho' courage became a strain. The time came when I could do no more. All the children whom I adore, gathered together for me to hear, prayers for their Daddy, dear. The love in their eyes made me mist, It was all I could do but make a fist. I held them close to help them know, That I would miss them when I go. As the moon lit up the sky, I asked the Lord, "Why?" "It is the Highest you are to serve, it is Heavenly Father you deserve." So I called quietly to my children and wife, Uttering my final breath of life... "please hold me tight... as I surrender to the Light." |
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| © Copyright 1999 Julie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
if this is a personal story, I'm very sorry for your loss. The only thing I will say is you might think about cleaning up the rhythm and changing or dropping the couplet rhyme scheme -- it does not lend it to serious topics very well. Thank you, Brad |
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