Song (an attempted villanelle)

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DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

0 posted 1999-08-21 01:03 AM

Tonight I find my heart is filled with song.
Melodies of life descend on my ears.
The rhythms of the night are clear and strong.

My passion for music has been lifelong.
It has been my escape throughout the years.
Tonight I find my heart is filled with song.

Though tone deaf, still to music I belong.
Crickets and frogs will move me to tears.
The rhythms of the night are clear and strong.

Moonlit walks soothe me when something is wrong.
Embracing the song still quiets my fears.
Tonight I find my heart is filled with song.

Walk tonight and bring your lover along.
Gaze in their eyes when the music appears.
The rhythms of the night are clear and strong.

Hold your lover and kiss them deep and long.
Keep that feeling alive throughout the years.
Tonight I find my heart is filled with song.
The rhythms of the night are clear and strong.

©1999 DreamEvil

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Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings?
DreamEvil©

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

1 posted 1999-08-21 02:16 AM

Villanelles are so hard to write! Did you know you can change that repeated line just a little? I'll post my villanelle and you can see..........

Primus Nocti
New Member

since 1999-08-21

Posts 4

2 posted 1999-08-21 02:19 AM

Not bad.

[This message has been edited by Primus Nocti (edited 08-21-99).]

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 1999-08-21 11:07 PM

This is an excellent work. The rhyme scheme is exact, the syllable counts are admirable, and the thoughts are well expressed. Very nice job. Disregard deVine's comment. Do not deviate from the lines.

DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

4 posted 1999-08-22 12:17 PM

Thank you, all for the encouragement. I'm trying to perfect each form.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

5 posted 1999-08-22 04:21 AM

This is just a great peace and shows why the villanelle is one of my favorite forms to read. I really loved the line 'though tone deaf, still to music I belong'. Though powerful and moving I was a little dissatisfied with words like 'moonlit' and the vague lover references -- I just wish, you know if you're going to spend the time to write one of these, that you might consider a less used topic or a more specific image (not sure if you can do that though).
A very enjoyable read.
Brad

DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

6 posted 1999-08-22 04:31 AM

Brad,
Read some of my others, this was my first attempt.

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