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Critical Analysis #1
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Mother and Son
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Mother and Son |
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mister61 Junior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 41bergen county, nj |
Good night sweet boy Now close your eyes It's time to dream of butterflies Rest your head And go to sleep And know my love is yours to keep When morning comes I'll be right here To hug you, kiss you, hold you dear Every day I watch you grow And love you more than you can know My little boy, So warm and kind, Your laughter echoes through my mind I pray that you Will always see How very much you mean to me Years from now When you're a man I'll miss the days you held my hand Good night sweet boy Now close your eyes My angel, mommy's precious prize |
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| © Copyright 1999 Harris Fleming - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sorry. No criticism here. Every word is correct and in place. The meter is perfect. The accents are perfectly placed. The poem flows perfectly....period. |
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juanita Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 68Los Angeles, CA, USA |
Great poem, reminds me of my own little man, touched my heart deeply, wouldn't change a word. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
I have never seen a work I could not make a suggestion on - I suggest you substitute Daddy for Mommy in the last line so I can read it to my son. This is the most perfect poem I have ever read. I am honored to be a party to this perfection. Well Done! ------------------ Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
thank you for sharing that lovely poem. it describes perfectly the feelings i have for my two sons. |
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mister61 Junior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 41bergen county, nj |
Thanks very much for your complimentary comments (critiques are very much appreciated too, by the way). Feel free to take that gender license, JP - I wrote this about my girlfriend and her son. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
This should be put out [for mothers and or fathers] as a good-night poem for all children. Well done. ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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M. Rivera Junior Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 13San Francisco |
Wow Mister61. You're poem is beautiful. I can't wait until someone, someday can just say that to me and my son. I love the way you express yourself! You have such a big heart! I can't wait until I see your next piece that you submit! |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
This one needs a tune so it can be sung as a lullaby ... your child is very lucky to have a mother who cares like this. I was touched. ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (When I hear the bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I agree with all those who have already commented -- it is a very well crafted and I think you have succeeded in what you tried to do. But, just because you asked for criticism, I do think that piece lacks any real tension. I'm not saying you have to write a negative poem (if it was completely negative, I would be saying the opposite of what I'm saying here) but aren't fear, anxiety and other emotions just as much a part of parenting as love and caring? I would, maybe, try to have an undercurrent of that here. Still, if that at all bothers you, don't listen to me, because this is still a wonderful poem. Thanks, Brad |
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mister61 Junior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 41bergen county, nj |
Brad - thanks for your comments on this and other posts. Your insight shows you spent some time thinking about them, which I really appreciate. You made some good points. On this one, however, my intent was simply to imagine how this mother might express her love and devotion to her little boy, sort of a spoken lullaby, I guess. I know parenting encompasses much more than this kind of interaction! |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
I'm are truly impressed and would love to hear more. And I agree, this would make a great children's classic poem! Sweet, endearing and honest. The stuff all good writing is made of. Well done! I will be printing this off in full color. (smile) |
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anonyogi Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 174United States |
I disagree with Brad. There is some tension created in the last two stanzas. It reminds me of a pray that I heard as a kid. All in all, I'd have to say good poem. I'd run it by a mother who's also a poet and ask her what she thinks. A mother could probably let you know how close you are to capturing the feeling. ------------------ Anonymous Web Poet |
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PartiStarks Junior Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 38Brooklyn, NY |
This is a very beautiful and sweet poem. I hope to read this to my son (if I am ever fortunate enough to have one). Keep on writing! |
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TheCandyMan_1 Junior Member
since 1999-08-28
Posts 38NY |
This poem touched my heart and made me cry. My 2 boys live 800 miles from me..and I can't touch thier hands and kiss them goodnight. Thank you for sharing this with us. ------------------ JA.Malone |
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rachana.s Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55madras,tamil nadu,India |
mister61 once I wrote poem to tell my mom how much i cared for her but it was so much filled with words that the simplicity of love never came across. that is what I liked about this poem - the simplicity of the love felt for the child. i liked it very much rachi |
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