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Demon Slayers
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Demon Slayers |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA 
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They are the demon slayers, Storming the gates of Hell. Screaming in pain and anger. Their battle armor is up Shielding them from the horrors they are about to face. Abandonment Abuse Addiction Can they conquer these demons? The doubts fill their heads: “I’m stupid, not good enough, unimportant…” Words they’ve heard countless times before: “You’re dirty, worthless, nothing.” They offer each other forgiveness and unconditional love Freely giving to each other what they cannot give themselves. The armor is tossed off in the heat of battle No longer needing to hide behind shields. Ready to meet their monsters. Swords raised high, they fly into the midst of the demons Facing them together, strength in numbers. Unified in their cause: To regain control of their lives To claim the innocence that was taken To fight back against the evils they have suffered. They are the demon slayers. Proud. Strong. Victorious! |
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| © Copyright 1999 Tara Simms - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
I would appreciate HONEST feedback on this one. I just recently signed up on the forums and had posted it the other day in open poetry, but have now found CA. I have read quite a few works by the poets in here and I have great respect for all of you. I'm interested in knowing what you think. ------------------ |
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elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
i don't consider myself "qualified" to comment on, much less critique, free verse...perhaps someone else will?  ------------------ PS: have you been to "The Alley" lately and cast your vote for "on a roll"? |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Nothing really to suggest other than a few punctuation and grammar changes, for example: Unified in their cause: To regain control of their lives, to claim the innocence that was taken, to fight back against the evils they have suffered, they are the demon slayers. Just slight changes in punctuation and capitals - other than that it was wonderful! Excellent work. Now if Ron or someone would tell me how to do font and format stuff in these forums I could use bolds, italics, and centering too. ------------------ Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
I like this ... well written ... ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (When I hear the bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Your poem is visually interesting (and it does matter how a poem looks to the eye) but from my point of view your use of fabulist imagery and hyperbole borders on the comic (is that what you were trying for?). I think understatement would be more effective here. Also, I don't buy the line, 'I'm stupid, not good enough, unimportant' I'm not saying people don't feel that way but I think there are a lot of other ways to flesh out those feelings -- the constant tension between moments of supreme confidence and dissatisfaction might be appropriate here. I think it's too one sided here. Furthermore, you seem to be using this in combination with 'You're dirty, worthless, nothing' but people, unless maybe you're talking about children, generally attack, not accept, these accusations. If they do agree, it's usually a way to get the other person to stop talking. With all that said, I enjoyed the piece. Thanks, Brad |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Brad, thanks for your reply. Actually it is written about children. I work with troubled and defiant teens. They go through seminars where they learn to let of the past and forgive themselves. I wrote that poem after observing one of their seminars and hearing those wonderful kids say those things about themselves. Listening to them recount times when they were told those phrases. It tore my heart out. This poem wasn't written out of a desire to turn out a technically superior piece of work. It was written to express the pain I felt at watching them go through this process. And when it was over, each and every one of them knew exactly how precious and strong and courageous they truly were. Just another comment and then I'll get off my soapbox. Kids believe what we tell them. If we tell them they are a waste of time, worthless, etc. they grow up believing that. That's where THEIR self limiting beliefs come from. I wrote this poem for all of our kids who went through this seminar and conquered their demons. Some were harder than others. One boy shared about how he witnessed his 6 year old sister's rape when he was 4. then his uncle raped him. Those are the demons they dealt with. And he is the demon slayer. |
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