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Critical Analysis #1
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JP
Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

0 posted 1999-08-12 01:41 PM


As horsemen ride by unaware,
skulls aflame in the eastern fire.
I draw the knife 'neath my chin.
My life, evaporating desert pools.
My love, struggling mantis meals.

Apocalypse thrives in the depths.
Cavernous, hollow stench permeates,
my dungeonous waking dreams.
Sunlit nights no longer protect,
from wamphyr thirst of lust.

Necromancer dances lightly,
upon my blood drenched soul.
gamesmanship his forte,
Playing jacks on my heart.
One'sies, two'sies, oop'sies, death.

I watch the horsemen ride.
Laser lash whipping joyously,
'cross the flanks of hatred's steed.
Casually glancing at beast and burden,
rushing forth in sweet anguish.

Blood soaked nightmares cherished,
in this spirit darkened by love's lie.
Pandora's song brings eternal blight,
the valkryrie's wolf-mounts feed,
As I pay Charon my single obolus.


------------------
Dum spiro, spero
JP



[This message has been edited by JP (edited 08-12-99).]

© Copyright 1999 JP Burns - All Rights Reserved
Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102
Texas
1 posted 1999-08-12 07:09 PM


very nice! Nice flow onley...dungeonous??? yikes, try again.

------------------
"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot



Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
2 posted 1999-08-13 03:04 AM


I like dark tone of this poem but what the heck is a wamphyr?

JP
Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343
Loomis, CA
3 posted 1999-08-13 12:19 PM


Now I'm not a linguist but credible sources tell me that Wamphyr is the gypsy/slavic/transylvanian word for vampire.

Anyone who reads Brian Lumely should know as good as I....

Dungeonous.... can you give me something better Saxoness?

------------------
Dum spiro, spero
JP


Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102
Texas
4 posted 1999-08-13 06:04 PM


Let me think on it a while, I'll get back to you, you know it. :-)
Oh, and I love the neat Vampire word.
------------------
"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot




[This message has been edited by Saxoness (edited 08-13-99).]

Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102
Texas
5 posted 1999-08-13 06:04 PM





[This message has been edited by Saxoness (edited 08-13-99).]

Pretender
New Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 9
Roseville, CA 95661
6 posted 1999-08-13 11:35 PM


That is a very dark poem. Very well written.
Makes me wonder how close to the center of the earth you are.

------------------
Nosce te ipsum

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