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Critical Analysis #1

Lost Escape

PrincessDoo
Junior Member

since 1999-07-30

Posts 41
Cerritos, CA, USA

0 posted 1999-07-31 01:21 PM

My escape taken at the instance of hope
Remedial knowledge no help to cope
Last chances not taken falling from the end of the rope
No where to run to tumbling down a declining slope
Once held as peaceful clouds turning into battle grounds
Enclosed in the company of my only enemy
Only escape from this horrible little space
To turn to my guidance and plead for quick absence
To leave my place and be strong enough to face
Death to come quick and rid me of this evil sick
Never to return to repeat my fate
Never to find what was left on my plate
Of life, to take it under my own choice
My last words given strength by my voice
And my last drink to fulfill my last wish of a dozen pills

elvira
Senior Member

since 1999-07-06

Posts 936
California

1 posted 1999-08-16 04:00 AM

my advice on the structure, no offense intended
four lines ending in the same rhyming scheme
followed by "enemy" "space" "absence" "face" endings (don't know the poetic term for that scheme)
then two couplets
and a final unrhymed line
...it is a bit confusing to read

counting syllables helps me establish a smoother flow in my poetry...other than that, please keep in mind, i can only give advice about things i use on my own poems...and i am certainly no expert poetess, but i hope these comments helped?

[This message has been edited by elvira (edited 08-16-99).]

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