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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Refuge |
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SpaRrkLe_GoDdeSs New Member
since 1999-07-29
Posts 4 |
As the future rolls forth I ponder my reason for being Destiny drives my wings Where I will land rests unknown Play that sweet song again I have forgotten the taste The flavour is slowly changing Rememberabce is like a dream Slowly deminishing in the light Each step I take is detected I cannot as of yet comprehend Slowly breezes switch direction Like a water lily I dance Sing to me in a foreign tongue Your voice is so beautiful Melting like wax on my spine As the flames surround me I dare to forget But the images are caught in stone. I am a 17 year old who is merely interested in the the art of poetry and would love to be critiqued on my style. My poem is about love and how it is difficult to forget the passions and emotions surrounding love. ANd by the way, does anyone think I hae the potential to become a poet? THanx for taking the time to read my poem. |
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Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
Very good. My suggestion would be to use a little punctuation to help with the flow of the peice. The first four lines bring about many thoughts, philosophical ones, and that's good...but maybe that's just me.. Hope that helped a little.. ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
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