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Clinging
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Clinging |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA 
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Dear glimmer of hope I fix upon your spark with every ounce strength remaining in this shell Shimmering glow of fate touched my life with such hidden power and malevolent despise The gods of peace leaving me in my fear Powers of joy and love wilting in life's fire Valiant grasping to hopes tenous spirit with withered claws fed only by my heart Daily prayers to Gods seemingly unanswered save for the fact I can still pray daily Grateful tears slide quietly each night I lay down to sleep beside my wife for one more time ------------------ Dum spiro, spero JP |
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| © Copyright 1999 JP Burns - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
JP, you were kind enough to critique my work some weeks ago ~ I've a moment to read through your touching piece, and these are my only suggestions: Dear glimmer of last hope, I fixate upon your spark with every ounce of strength remaining in this hollow shell. As that shimmering glow of fate has ravaged my life with such hidden power and malevolent despise, that the gods of peace are leaving me in my fear and powers of joy and love are left wilting in life's fire Valiantly grasping to hopes tenuous spirit with withered claws, fed only by my own love's heart Daily prayers to God's ears seem unanswered save for the fact that I still pray daily Grateful tears mist quietly each night as I lay down to sleep beside my wife for one more time |
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