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Cassanova
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Cassanova |
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tori Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 520Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA |
My Cassanova, Such Joy I have found with you around , my life feels so complete The changing moon's have not brought me as much delight, as your words have set my life so right Is fate to thank for our incounter? Or is there really a higher power that guides us to ones we love? Is it God to thank in heaven above? Wheather the moons and stars are setting right, or God's gift of pure delight, or fate for reason's we'll never know, I'm just glad that it is so Each day we share our lives and ponder. In dreams we reach to seek and teach as eachothers hearts grow fonder There is nothing in this world we would not do, to keep our laughter burning. Nothing in this world can come between two hearts that seek the yearning As passion fly's on wings of white that sails in sunsets mist, with dreamy eyes, two hearts collide, to catch a stolen kiss. Tori 99 Thanks for any help you can give ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If with pen in hand I've made you think I've not wasted one drop of ink vlh. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Victoria Hosier/tori - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Tori I'm one of those boring old plodders, who needs a lot of help to get going. I usually try to pick up the rhythm of a poem within the first couple of lines, and get the style of a poem within the first verse or two. So, when I read your first line, I grabbed onto the meter and expected to ride it on though the poem. The second line fit the meter very nicely. Then, the line break and a whole new meter threw me off. It was sort of like starting to sing "The Star Spangled Banner," and then changing midstream to "America the Beautiful." Now, some people can do that, but me - I get distracted from the music and start looking for the transition. Which is what I did here - I immediately went back to the first two lines and tried to splice them together to fit the rhythm of the third line. The fourth line rhymed with the third line, but that wasn't the style of the first two lines. The rhyme may have been a coincidence. If it was, you might try changing one of the words to something else to avoid that trap. That third line kind of messed up the meter you had established with the other three lines. See if you can pare down the number of syllables in the third line to fit in with the other lines, after you balance out the lines. Never be afraid to throw away a line if it just doesn't work. Sometimes, you may have to throw away a whole verse (ouch), but if it makes the poem flow better, it will be worth the seemingly wasted effort. (You can always use the discarded verse in another poem, yanno - lol). Well, you get the idea. Smooth out the words - if you are writing a poem that uses rhyme, test your poem by "singing" it - if you stumble, then you've found an area that needs some work. Think of the really great poems you've read - they all seem to have one unifying characteristic, you find yourself at the end of the poem without consciously realizing how you got there. You flowed through the poem, verse to verse, until there were no more verses. I loved the topic you chose. Is this a real person you know? Your last two lines evoke a vision of true love. ps - I'm a new person here, so I don't know if it was appropriate that I provide any insights - Is this something for just the Moderators? If it is, I'll respectfully step out of the way. No offense was meant. |
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tori Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 520Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA |
LngJhnAg, Thank you for letting me know where to start on this one .. by all means anytime please help..!! I need all I can get. :-) I am so glad someone here took the time to help.. I will start working on it soon I'll let you know when I'm done to see if got the right idea.. Thanks so much.. tori |
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