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Critical Analysis #1
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Sleepless
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Sleepless |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA 
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Normally my sleep is sound I dream no dreams of relevance. Tonight tho', no rest is found as I turn, toss, and sigh. No particular reason for my fit, no earth shaking danger or woe. Can't fathom reasons for this shit, My world is happy for the most part. Illness knocks forever at my door, but it's old hat and of no import. I rise and pace, 'cross chilly floor, wondering why I cannot find sleep. I check the stove, iron, and wife, check my children and the cat as well. All seems fine in house and life, yet no rest comes to my weary bones. I sit with tea to ease my troubled head, the nagging feeling not leaving nor easing. I tell myself that my worries must be dead, that nothing is wrong and nothing's amiss. I shuffle through the house, checking locks, I ramble from room to room looking for anything. I check the doors, windows, faucets, even clocks, and find all in place, as they always are. I sit at my desk and draw parchment and pen, I begin to scribe thoughts, rhymes, dreams. I write these words you read, and to my chagrin, My eyes begin to droop as slumber vists finally. |
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| © Copyright 1999 JP Burns - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
Welcome to the not so wonderful world of insomnia........ This poem captured the feeling of sleeplessness very closely I thought. I like it. The ryhme was nice, I thought it flowed pretty good. The punctuation was acurate too. Well, I guess I'm supposed to be criticing this...but I have no changes to suggest..Great poem. I enjoyed it. ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
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Red Letter Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 85Allentown, PA |
I like this, JP - the thoughts are original and you bring your reader into it invitingly... I'm not crazy about the rhyme scheme, but that's just me I guess... I do happen to like your freeverse better, though... what's with all this rhyming poetry all of a sudden? trying something new? just curious... yours, Red |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Oh my sweet Goddess of crimson pathos.... You should've recognized this one from before...(critics corner #11 I believe), but I am touched that you thought enough of me to reply |
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