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Critical Analysis #1

inevitable feelings

princezz
New Member

since 1999-07-12

Posts 8
Brighton, MI, USA

0 posted 1999-07-24 01:38 PM

A lone child by herself,
Confusion fills her heart,
And in her hand she holds her thoughts,
Though they've fallen apart.
Closing her eyes releases the pain that usually is locked within,
And in the darkness she falls to the ground, shaking in her sin.
The vision of what she once was fades away in her own tears mist,
And as she lies her head against the cold ground the madness is swept away.
Though she longs for a warming touch,
Alone is where she'll stay.

orpheus
Junior Member

since 1999-07-10

Posts 30
Portugal

1 posted 1999-07-24 08:36 PM

Well... it's great! I loved it. So simple and yet so deep. It tells, it gives us something. My only suggestion is about the place where you put the words in the paper (or screen). If you'd brake some of the longest verses in two then maybe the poem would have even more impact. But hey, I'm talking about the looks. I care a lot more about the soul. And the way you put it... (thank you)

------------------
sometimes
we can only breathe
if we bleed a little

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