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Critical Analysis #1
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Hawk183
Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130


0 posted 2001-07-19 08:28 AM


I haven't been here in a while and wanted to post something from the past...
Brad...I know you had a look at this one before....glad to see you still here...Warmhrt...you were always gracious and I know that you are still a treasure on this site.  Your writing continues to grow and your talent is ever on the rise.  Ok...The Cynic...


he said not to write, words are simply hollow,
"poisen poetry" leaving paper trails,
illussion steps on futile paths,
he said dreams live in distant regret,
and hope corrodes courage for change,

he smiled a toothless smile,
he said look at me boy, I am a life that has lived,
not frozen to the waking world,
imprisoned and impassioned by fleeting Muses,
you frown, but I am the only life to live,

all your feelings, insprired maybe...
but there is no passion,
you claim and qoute, useless rederic without a home,
your failures printed, your loves on a page,
a blind man who runs in the road,
open your eyes boy,

a tear touched me, not mine for I witheld,
he cursed my name, damned my dreams,
he read aloud from my pages,
laughing like the mad he shuddered once,
his voice low and deep in a growl,
he reached slowly inside, places lost to him,
and I saw it was him that was blind,

and the whimper pierced me, the agony condemned me,
the keystone of his spirit cease to be,
a bridge of sixty lay in a rubble,
and in this moment, in the eye of this storm,
my hand found its way to my pen,

and I said to him, look at me sir, for I am a life that has loved to live,
I have tasted the nectar of fear,
I have made love to the morning sun,
and I have kissed the delicate hands of hope,
they, sir, are the Muse that will not leave,  

as I left him, for the last time it seemed,
his face had color I had not seen,
and the brittle fingers that had once only pointed,
played the instrument I had left him,
his smile wide, he looked up once,
all will know boy,soon they all will know,
for I am a life that has lived.


Hawk

[This message has been edited by Hawk183 (edited 07-19-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Ryan Whittington - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

1 posted 2001-07-19 08:42 AM


I see.
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
2 posted 2001-07-20 02:38 AM


Nice to see some of the old timers pop in now and then. Hope you can stay and enjoy the new timers as well.

Let's see, I don't have time to go in depth right now but I liked this better the second time around (I checked to see what I had written before). However, I still agree with myself (thank God) on most of the specific points.

There's definitely something worth working on here. Curious if you plan to play with this some more?

Brad

Janette
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843
Chicagoland for now
3 posted 2001-07-20 02:40 AM


Can you "hear" me?  

I am applauding...clap clap clap...very moving!

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