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Even Exchange
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Even Exchange |
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Jeen Member
since 2000-06-07
Posts 91 |
Even Exchange (edited since 10-18-2000) This disease Has restricted me By surrendering my capacity To devote blind passion to a career Instead of my family This disease Has denied me The affluent's luxury Of congesting my home with assets I want but don't need This disease Has robbed from me The inherent ability To embody indifference toward suffering Because of my own personal immunity This disease Has winnowed me Into another personality One I would not have chosen Without it's coersion This disease Has ravaged me Physically But my soul has never been healthier Who is to say I am not better off Jeen |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
A tragedy mixed with triumph? Life's funny that way,huh? This disease Has robbed from me The inherent ability To embody indifference toward suffering Because of my own personal immunity ... really liked this Jean.The whole poem actually...very nice work. Hawk |
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Janette
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843Chicagoland for now |
Bravo! I loved this poem! Very moving...great flow...it made me think! |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Jeen, I can't decide which version I like better. The original seemed to have a little more something, feeling maybe. But this one is more polished. I guess I'll have to think more on it. I realize it is central to the poem but I still find the repetition of the first line a little too much. Maybe it would work better if you used it only on the first and last stanzas. Try that and see what you think. BTW, the last stanza really is powerful. Thanks, Pete |
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