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Critical Analysis #1
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Unbound (blank verse-first effort, C&C please.
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Unbound (blank verse-first effort, C&C please. |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Two lone figures stand, embracing, watching the Sea. The heat of their bodies dispelling the chill. Between them an eagerness stands, filled with fear. Turning to him, probing his eyes, she finds love. Revealed by her own eyes, he sees a yearning. Together, as one, the decision is made. As their lips touch, their love springs to it's full bloom. On a rock, rising above the Sea they lie. They consummate their love here, for all to see. The fire met, he lays his head upon her breast. With his hand upon her silken thighs, she cries. As tender as a dove, he wipes her tears aside. In answer to his touch, she faces the Sea. As one they stand, both feeling their fulfillment. Two lone figures stand, embracing, watching the Sea. The night beckons, calling them to it's solace. Stepping from the rock, their lips touch, their last kiss. As they kiss, the Sea takes them in it's embrace. ©1999 DreamEvil ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 07-21-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 DreamEvil - All Rights Reserved | |||
Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
your use of embrace so close together at the end is distracting. It takes away from the end of the poem, perhaps another word would be in use. ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I agree, posted in it's original to get feedback. |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
"As they kiss, the Sea takes them in it's embrace." This line is perfect as it is. That line gave the poem strength in my eyes. |
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