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Critical Analysis #1
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Remember to Forget
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Remember to Forget |
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Mya15 Junior Member
since 1999-07-19
Posts 16Sunrise,Fl,33351 |
Forget his face, forget his kiss, For get his touch, it won't be missed Forget the time you were together You know now it won't last forever Forget how he always made you glad Remember now, you're the girl he once had Forget his gentle, teasing way Remember you didn't like that anyway Forget the way he spoke your name Remember now, things aren't the same Forget that he said your love love was for sure Remember now that he's loving her Forget how the time flew by so fast Remember it's over now, it's in the past Forget that he said it was you he treasured Remember now, he's gone forever Forget his beautiful, sad brown eyes Remember now, they only told you lies Forget how he seemed so warm and true Remember now, he wasn't true to you Forget how his smile made your heart skip a beat Remember now, it's his heart you can't keep Forget his kisses as you passed in the hall Remeber the hours alone waiting for his call Love can be your best friend And it can be your enemy too So here's this little lesson I'm gonna give to you Keep it close to your heart And keep it there forever Try to remember to forget But don't ever forget to remember |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Hi, there. Since you posted this here, I assume you are asking for a critical opinion. The thoughts and sentiments are good. You have here the ingredients for a good poem. What is lacking is any type of rhythm or flow. Due to the varied amounts of syllables used in the sentences, the poem becomes choppy. For example " Forget how he always made you glad" (9 syllables) "Remember now, you're the girl he once had" (10 syllables) "Forget his gentle, teasing way" (8 syllables) "Remember, you didn't like that anyway" (11 syllables) When you have syllable differences, the reader is forced to speed up or slow down, rush through words or drag them out in order to create a flow for the poem, making it awkward. Concentrate on the syllable count and where the accents fall in the sentences. Also, when poetry is in written form, lackluster rhymes stand out more. Sure-her treasure-forever beat-keep forever-remember. When we recite poems, we can get away with that but not in written form. In my opinion, nothing is more beautiful than a well-written rhymed poem. UNfortunately, nothing is worse than a badly written rhymed poem. This is NOT a badly written poem......but it could be much better with a little work. My humble opinion only...... |
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