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Conversation - Haiku
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Conversation - Haiku |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
Leaves dancing around celebrating their freedom gave voice to the wind. Is my sense of meter correct? |
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| © Copyright 1999 Lorene Meadows - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Daniel2 Junior Member
since 1999-07-13
Posts 28Waterloo, Ontario, Canada |
Ohme: Your meter is correct 5 - 7 - 5 syllables but your content is not correct. The content of a haiku is sensory, never intellectual. It is the attempt to capture a moment in time. A haiku always has a reference to a season, time of day or the weather, although it can be a suble one. Check out Ron's initiation of a thread about haiku in the Philosophy forum. I think he did an excellent job and there is a masterful example of a traditional Japaneese haiku there. I suggest that you study the form a little before you tackle it again. You can find millions of haiku sites on the web. I'm glad you started this thread and I hope others will attempt this beautiful little style. By the way, many modern English practitioners no longer feel that it is necessary to abide strictly by the 5,7,5 rule. But I like that traditional approach myself. I wish I knew where my little collection of my own haikus (sp?) are. I may have to "find" some more. Now there's a thought. Haiku is more found than written. Best of serendipit with it. Daniel |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
Ah Ha, I failed to get my message accross. I saw the leaves on the ground making a noise which became the voice of the fall wind. Back to the drawing board. Thanks for the advice and direction. I'll check it out and try again later. Chances are I'll hold on to the the 5-7-5. Without it the poems would seem like free verse which always gets me in trouble. |
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Daniel2 Junior Member
since 1999-07-13
Posts 28Waterloo, Ontario, Canada |
Sipping hot coffee Newspaper, sun warms my back MacDonald's breakfast Sweat runs down my front Lightening flash and turning, I See purple flowers Rain dripping on lilac leaves makes the leaf flutter like the exit of a small bird I know the last one is not proper form. But the little tyke fought me like a trooper so I let it have its own way. [This message has been edited by Daniel2 (edited 08-01-99).] |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
Thanks for the reply, And examples. Haiku is a new form for me. As you can see, I have not quite mastered it. Thanks for the input. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Yo, guys..... Don't confuse syllable count with meter... The important aspect of the haiku is the 5-7-5 syllable count. Meter is the number of "feet" per line of verse - e.g. dimeter (2), trimeter (3), tetrameter (4), pentameter (5), hexameter (6), heptameter (7), etc....  |
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