navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » Deep Cuts
Critical Analysis #1
Post A Reply Post New Topic Deep Cuts Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
mannie
New Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 3
shawnee, ks

0 posted 1999-07-17 08:07 PM


I flench at the touch of this pain that cuts so very deep.It touches me in places that I did not know.My mind,my soul,my body is where this pain exist.I'm told to keep quiet,shutup,don't feel.But inside I scream in horro and pain.Why does my love have such shame? Love doesn't hear me,Love doesn't feel me.Love just doesn't care.

Love strikes me hard across my face.Then shouts with strong conviction turn the other cheek.And strikes me yet again.Take this ,stand there,don't move,don't breath,DON'T FEEL.Love is not sorry.It shouts, I am not wrong.

Don't cry,Don't look,Don't listen.I am not a child love screams.I am stepping back and soon I am stepping OUT.Deep Cuts Deep cuts.


LOVE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE
DEEP CUTS
DEEP CUTS

[This message has been edited by mannie (edited 07-17-99).]

© Copyright 1999 mannie - All Rights Reserved
anonyogi
Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 174
United States
1 posted 1999-07-17 08:16 PM


I will try something out of the ordinary: you tell ME what your poem is about FIRST, before I attack your imagery, metaphors, and allusions.

If you don't want to spoil your message for everyone else, you can e-mail me and I'll read it.

I always have wished I could contact the author of a work and find out what she or he REALLY meant to say, versus what my English classes have told me words mean!

email: anonyogi@hotmail.com

------------------
Anonymous Web Poet

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
2 posted 1999-07-17 08:30 PM


You actually want our critique? Brave soul!!

Your poem was nothing more than rambling words...put it into some format that we can understand and repost.


Daniel2
Junior Member
since 1999-07-13
Posts 28
Waterloo, Ontario, Canada
3 posted 1999-07-18 01:53 PM


I hope you'll keep trying Mannie. Bob Dylan received a D in Chorus according to his Grade 4 report card at the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame.
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » Deep Cuts

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary