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turquoise ducks
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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turquoise ducks |
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Daniel2 Junior Member
since 1999-07-13
Posts 28Waterloo, Ontario, Canada |
Don't panic I'll go for water I know where I can get some and I'll be right back I know, I know I said that last time and I didn't come back for two years and all I brought you was turquoise ducks but I swear it's different now I know what I'm doing just wait here |
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Red Letter Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 85Allentown, PA |
huh? Sorry, I think I missed your point... |
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Daniel2 Junior Member
since 1999-07-13
Posts 28Waterloo, Ontario, Canada |
Red Letter: Thanks for replying. Even a "huh?" is better than no response. I'll wait a while before I give my interpretation so that I can see if anyone else gets it. A poem is like a joke. When it's explained, it's still worthwhile, but not as good as when you get it on your own. |
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Red Letter Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 85Allentown, PA |
I agree completely and I really hate it myself when I have to explain my work (somehow I always figure my words should stand well enough on their own) so I appreciate you humoring me  I'm looking forward to the interpretation![This message has been edited by Red Letter (edited 07-17-99).] |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
Unless you took you wife to the hospital to have a baby for the 2nd time, I have no clue. But would certainly like to know |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
I think this is a good example of how line breaks and careful grouping of separate thoughts can make a poem more easily understood. Here's the same poem with stanza grouping and more punctuation (and one grammatical error corrected). Don't panic. I'll go for water. I know where I can get some and I'll be right back. I know, I know, I said that last time and I didn't come back for two years, and all I brought you were turquoise ducks. But I swear it's different now. I know what I'm doing. Just wait here. Of course, if I misunderstood your theme (flighty, undependable, inconstant), then those line breaks are probably all wrong…  |
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Daniel2 Junior Member
since 1999-07-13
Posts 28Waterloo, Ontario, Canada |
Ron, you got it! What a joy to have someone crack my code. Your other points are well taken. The punctuation makes it clearer and the grammar point is correct. I have however kept the single verse. I want the whole thing to run together. It's a hurried monologue with a frightened partner. I have changed the last line. What do you think? Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. Don't panic. I'll go for water. I know where I can get some and I'll be right back. I know, I know, I said that last time and I didn't come back for two years, and all I brought you were turquoise ducks. But I swear it's different now. I know what I'm doing. I swear. P.S. How did you bold the script in your post? [This message has been edited by Daniel2 (edited 07-18-99).] [This message has been edited by Daniel2 (edited 07-18-99).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I found this in the back and thought it was a good example of a dramatic voice. I think the meaning is fairly clear (as is what happens next). Anybody else agree or disagree? Brad |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I understood this one loud and clear, my only question was how of all things did she come up with turquiose ducks as the symbolism here. As to what happens next, fairly self explanatory. She leaves, comes back bareing gifts some time later, begging his forgiveness AGAIN until the next time she finds greener pastures or in this case, more interesting waters  |
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Daniel2 Junior Member
since 1999-07-13
Posts 28Waterloo, Ontario, Canada |
Thanks for digging it out, Brad. The image of turquoise ducks came from a friend's dream. I had gone to Iran, had been travelling for a year and when I came back I showed my friend my treasures, among which were pieces of turquoise. He was a nature buff and had a dream about me bringing turquoise ducks, for him something fabulously wonderful. Later on in life, my wife had major complaints about my unfocused, unproductive wandering in life and was demanding more responsibility. So I turned the positive image into a frivolous and useless gift for the poem. It was a good piece of critical self reflection for me and helped me see my character from my wife's perspective. Thanks again, for digging this little baby out. It has a lot of personal meaning for me and I'm glad to see that it communicates to others. |
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